Sophia Mitrokostas

Sometimes you just have to crouch in front of the fridge in the dark and eat cold pad thai with your fingers like Gollum.

@JohnDerae Hi John! Do you mind DMing me to verify you recently reached out to Insider regarding an upcoming piece? Thank you!

IT'S CALLED A MERMAID, NOT A HER-MAID, WE MUST GO BACK TO GIVING OUR BOYS STRONG AQUATIC ROLE MODELS LIKE THIS

@Jason09677985 Lots. Would recommend. Also a fan of swimming. Hate all those amazing fear-mongering stories about drowning.

@amusicus413 Hello Aviva! I'd love to get your expert comment on a piece for INSIDER regarding the placement of cereal boxes at child eye-level. Let me know if this appeals via DM :)

Getting flowers for no reason is like orgasming randomly but you can tell your mom about it.

Found my spirit plant.

Idea for horror movie: just clips of your husband/father/son/guy friend talking the way you’re low-key afraid they talk about women when you’re out of the room.

If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway.

“An ugly baby is a very nasty object. Even the prettiest are frightful when undressed.” #IfQueenVictoriaHadTwitter

In teenage news: - How to keep a boy interested WITHOUT SEX! - Will you be married by 18? - Parents are cubes! Hep Cats, April 1960.

Don’t say you’re into freaky shit under the sheets if you couldn’t handle identifying my body at the morgue.

if u sneeze twice but only get blessed once I'm sorry but you're going to hell

Found in "The Lust Market" (1956), Harold H. U. Cross. Sex workers and a potential client.

Just in case you've ever wondered where the @TSA stands on Magic 8 Balls.

@tiReynard @LRenceFivvens Having to pay $1 per cup of shitty Keurig coffee in the break room is the real crime here. A box of 30 cups is like $15.

You think you're building a relationship but no. Squirrels are dead inside.