Gareth Bellamy 💙🇺🇦

This is a very hard thing to write, but my wife Jackie and I wanted you to know that our funny, love-filled, brave, charming, polite, totally unique, and just all-round wonderful eldest son Joe, 19, died yesterday in hospital in Oxford in our arms.

@scriptwren That's fantastic, best of luck with it all!

EXAM SEASON IN MY HOUSE IS OVER! It’s all done, whether a diploma, A Level or GCSE. One year off next year at least for my kids. So what did I do? (Hopefully) I’m starting a PGTA which means the pressure is on me, but this time next year I should finally be a qualified teacher.

See r dress r the DD free arefw teesrunning EE tree trees ehttps://www.thetimes.com/uk/science/article/diet-healthy-ageing-older-people-over-70-tm5chltsx

@RuthlessTweets Fantastic news Ruth, well done to her for taking part in a trial.

My daughter features in the Daily Express. She is doing very well on the trial. #CancerResearch

Telegraph cartoon 5.3.25 #JackVettriano #ripjackvettriano #trumpputin #JDVance #RussiaUkraineWar

Happy 77th birthday to Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi! Seen here discovered in a piece of fried halloumi.

The beginning of half-term, or Covid-ski-week if you cast your mind back 5 years.

@spokes_man75 @dank_ackroyd Perfect for a lagerboy's Valentine's card.

Friday I'm... under a heated blanket.

@euanmccolm Whilst attempting the brass parts with the trusty mouth trumpet.

things'd be a damned sight better if everyone moved like Bobbie Gentry. Guys undulating into Tesco Metro. youtube.com/watch?v=VUjNbe…

@ralphaverbuch We have to wait 7 years for all 'this' to end???

Correction... 1 in 43... I don't like these odds.

A 1 in 50 chance of hitting #Earth in 2032 is pretty damn high. #asteroid #science uk.news.yahoo.com/asteroid-hit-e…

@JohnDSeymour Backatya.

Good morning #Berkhamsted

Noooooo!

@_TheLondoner @almurray @TheRiserBerko

EXCL: We mapped every pub almost shut or that had its hours limited after neighbours complained to the council about noise. Often the complaints were as small as "faint giggles" or hypothetical "honking" from traffic. Dozens of London pubs were affected in the last year alone.

@ArfurSmith Is this about putting tariffs on imports from Streatham?

Please RT if you agree

@TomEllen7 Both great 'editions' in the latest copy. Feels like Parsehole could go full AI before too long. On a related note, got to go to a Viz book signing before Xmas and it was great to chat to the Eds and other fans in the queue, felt like being part of a secret club for nob gag fans.

@thebellow I do moonlight as Mahatma now and then! He's up there with Parsehole as one of the great Viz creations, for me...

There are a few bits by me in the new Viz, including a Daily-Mail-channeling investigation into workplace wokeness, an interview with a novelist who's pioneering the 'Cosy Cyberpunk' literary genre, and this stupid advert below. Out in shops today!

@rhymerrigby Well, that sounds like one of those memories that will pop back in every few years for the rest of time. Well done!

At Child B’s parents’ evening: Teacher (15 secs in): “I loved the way she argued both sides on the death penalty" Me: "What does the death penalty have to do with PE?!" Teacher: “This is RE, not PE” [everyone pisses themselves] Child B: “I have never been so humiliated”

"During the 12 month period from October 2023 to September 2024, when the 20mph limit was in place, the number of casualties was 28% lower than the same period the year before." Well I'm sorry but this makes all the hassle worthwhile, actually.

@MyshkinFool I wonder if there was something similar in some of the 9/11 conspiracy theories. Some people couldn't accept the reality of what they saw, so had to invent a fictional excuse. This is separate to the hardcore anti-semitists, who are just all-in regardless.

@RealPaulPutner Had to dissect a dogfish for A Level biology. After each lesson you'd return it to a bag full of some preservative, but it went on for 2/3 weeks. I can still smell it now 35 years later.

Worst smell at a 70s/80s secondary school? a) The damp contents of the bin for lost items of sports kit in the PE changing room b) The thick fug of Benson & Hedges in the teacher staffroom c) A freshly varnished and buffered assembly hall parquet floor in September d) Other?