T

Pull up to the school like waddup I just totaled my car

@Fidelity transferred cash 10/04 and not able to do anything until 10/30, any recommendations for a new bank? I’ll be closing ALL my accounts with you

@Qween_pea How much? I feel so old I don’t know how to dm on twitter haha

Asap rocky's sperm rushing to fertilize Rihanna's egg 😭 Congratulations Rhi Rhi! #pregnant

probably fine!

sure owning a house must be nice but those people will never know the timeless thrill of pouring bacon grease directly into the sink

tristan thompson when they told him he had to cum in a cup instead of fucking the surrogate

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

@MBTA Took it at city point just a few minutes ago! This is probably the 10th time it’s happened too me and I see the buses skip on the schedule

@timomit96 Hi Tim. Can you tell us when and where you took this picture?

cutting bell peppers and adding googly eyes is bound to heal your soul a little, give it a try

We only rate dogs. This is clearly a Roomba… 12/10

If you really think about it a child is an STI

this mf think they Dracula or something? 😭

filling plastic bags with gasoline because my son loves the way the light catches them when we hang them above his crib ❤️ we love you very much, Brondley

Please enjoy Harrison Ford watching a magic trick & then reacting in the only way Harrison Ford reacts to anything

me: hello i would like some spinach. just a normal amount for a normal person grocery store: yea right. bet u love spinach u little spinach freak. here's a fucking brick of spinach. a literal bathtub full. u have 3 days to eat it all before it goes bad

@lizKhalifa0 It’s actually a venti