Dan

Chuck Norris turned down the lead in Mission: Impossible, because he didn’t want them to have to rename the movie.

@shine_gomiseifu Never saw a dirty train in 国立 🤷‍♂️

冗談抜きで、 電車もそうだし、 公園のベンチもそうだし、 公衆トイレもそうだし、 みんなが使う共有場所が本当に汚い。 外国人が増える前まではこんなことなかった。 本当に汚い日本になったよ

@l_se0m I watched a seagull steal a cheeseburger, got frightened and dropped it into the ocean before falling in itself. Your pic beats my story 🙂

アイスを食べる前に風景バックに写真を撮ろうと思ったら、空からカモメが急降下して来てアイスを食べられる瞬間の写真になった…

@kusakabeshinra_ @heavensbvnny There were cats in the room 🤷‍♂️

@vorpar @heavensbvnny Catybara

One fun feature of twitter is that if you just mention cats, people will reply with pictures of their cats. Watch: Cat.

@taiki_phrases からすぎます？

Translate This! Challenge Your Japanese friend just shared street food and it's spicy. Natural reply: "This is way too hot for me!" What's the casual Japanese version? Post it! #LearnJapanese #JapanFood

@KevOnStage Five Alive

If you pulled this out the fridge in 1988 what was in it?

@CountDankulaTV A Froman? The sausage king of Chicago?

The Afroman Trial. -Cops raid Afromans house for bullshit reasons. -Steal money, break his door, fuck his house up. -No criminality found whatsoever, no charges at all pressed on Afroman. -Afroman spends the next 3 years making songs that make fun of all the officers involved by name, even using footage of the raid from his own CCTV cameras. -Songs had titles like "Randy Walters is a son of a bitch" and "Lick Em Low Lisa" accusing one of the officers of being a lesbian and sleeping with the other officers wives. -During the raid one officer looked like he was about to eat some lemon pound cake sitting on Afromans counter, Afroman made a whole album calling the officer fat. -The cops get mad and file a lawsuit for defamation. -Afroman turns up to court in a whole American flag suit. -Officers performatively mald and cry while listening to the songs really trying to oversell how badly the songs upset them. -One officer was suing because Afroman made a whole song about him saying he was fucking the officers wife. When the officer was asked if Afroman was really fucking his wife, he said "I don't know". Nuking his own case and establishing that there is a non-zero chance that Afroman might actually be fucking his wife. -As his only witness for the trial, Afroman brought a deputies EX FUCKING WIFE. -The jury ruled completely in favour of Afroman. This entire thing has been a great win for free speech and absolutely fucking hilarious.

@Dexerto Hawaii suffered a medical emergency when Chuck Norris visited. He is humbly attending to Hawaii in the hospital. Get well soon, legend!

Actor Chuck Norris has been hospitalized after a medical emergency in Hawaii reports TMZ

@dsonoiki I saw him at ComicCon! Some stormtroopers were trying to get advice on how to avoid the Jedi mind-trick. Answer: you need soul.

why are the homosexual transgender communists not celebrating the victory of musical star and free speech advocate Afroman? maybe because he’s black and they hate black people? (racist)

@GregAbbott_TX Was wondering why they chose War Street to rename in SF…

The state of Texas will not observe the Cesar Chavez Day holiday. I am directing all Texas state agency heads to comply. In the upcoming legislative session, I will work with Texas lawmakers to remove Cesar Chavez Day from state law altogether. Reports of the horrific and widely acknowledged sexual assault allegations against Cesar Chavez rightfully dismantle the myth of this progressive hero and undermine the narrative that elevated Chavez as a figure worthy of official state celebration.

@MartinKove @British_Airways

I’d like to thank @British_Airways for bumping me out of my already paid for business class seat, Because I didn’t check in until 9 hours before my flight at the airport, Which had no British airways attendant present until I was in London, BUT Flight attendants were wonderful.

@TristinHopper To some people, everything is political. I’m convinced that my friend’s politics entirely revolve around organic produce. Organic is possibly his religion too.

Whenever I have a non-political post go viral, I'm quickly reminded just how many of these there are haunting Twitter.

The watermelon slice is a swastika for low-IQ white women.

@saneyaro112 All right. I’m gonna start training so I can polish off a 4x4 at In’N’Out.

久々に夜にモスバーガー来たんだけど、トリプルモスバーガーというのが食べ応えがエグくてやばかった こんなのがあったとは…

@ZubyMusic @ChrisWillx

@ChrisWillx How is this even possible? It doesn't pass my BS detector.

There is a shortage of straight men in New York. Due to a shortage of male attendees, some dating events in NYC charged women $100 and men $0, yet attendance still ran 3:1.

@klara_sjo Used to be a burger joint in town that would add pastrami. Those were the days…

It's just occurred to me that it's common to see bacon put in a cheeseburger, but never have I seen a sausage added into the mix. I shall be running experiments and reporting back in time. Keep your phones on and never forget the valuable work I do.

@nikutaberuru Aw. I used “B A select” 🙂

上・上・下・下・左・右・左・右・B・Aを知ってる人とは良い酒が呑める。

@NobletStrength I’ve seen it at Albertsons.

Europeans post this picture multiple times a day because they think this is an American food staple and Americans are always confused because they've literally never heard of canned whole chicken until they learned about it through Europeans claiming we eat it regularly.

@CasualThursday I lived in the dark ages.

The Bluetooth in my car quit working so I’m back to using an aux cable like I’m on the goddam Oregon Trail

@moonliteshinobi @AdamMihara @mato_fuyu Agree

@AdamMihara @mato_fuyu Im figuring it means "supposed to be"

I learnt lots of En words today ;> 覚えられる気がしないw (I don't feel like I can remember all lol)