Wilby

You'd think Fred Flintstone would've been able to quit his quarry job after he became a successful vitamin entrepreneur.

@Hot_Pepper76 I saw Stevie several times. I saw Hendrix 0 times. I'll have to go with SRV.

Two guitar legends, one fun question. Jimi Hendrix vs. Stevie Ray Vaughan. Two different styles. Who are you taking?

it’s always “holy cow” never “how’s cow?” :(

@OstrichInCrisis @elonmusk

On behalf of all birds, Twitter needs to bring back the little blue bird icon.

Summer is almost here, kids. Go make poor life decisions and chalk it up to making summer memories.

English is a funny language. I love that ‘take out’ means food, dating, and murder. If you’re a praying mantis, it can be all three at once.

@BearsShowYo Turn off the PS5 and go to bed.

If the Bears win the Super Bowl what’s the first thing yall are doing?

@Leanne89_ @iamn0ty0urstar I'm about to shave mine.. lol.

😉🩶😏

When I thought @HawleyMO couldn't get more chronically white, he drops a "by golly" during a sound bite.

@cigarmike Brett was one of the great hitters of that era.

Back in the 70's and 80's the Royals were my 2nd favorote team. I loved George Brett and the rest. They probably still are. If they aren't playing the Cardinals, I hope they win. This weekend though? Let's kill'em!! Go Cards!! #stlcards

@Ravenismeee A dude

she's a 10 but she was born male. what is she?

@mylazareth That's just like an lol. 😆

@wilby90 🤦‍♀️

Her: I'm so wet. IT Help Desk: Have you tried putting it in rice?

@mistrustme1 That would take a while.

I want to love the hurt out of you

@traderjoeslut With a poem... I'll make you brownies I'll make another batch As long as your promise To service the snatch

how do i politely ask a man to eat it

@mistrustme1 Don't threaten me with a good time. Promise it.

I am about to become your full time job if you’re not careful

@Wh0v1an_4_L1fe Noooo.. It was fun, though. 🐊

@wilby90 And you...DIDN'T marry her?

I went on a date in college with a girl who owned a 4 ft alligator named Darth Gator.

@therealbaldtim True. He ordered ribs that could tip over his car.

@wilby90 Probably all those brontasaurus rib splurges

You'd think Fred Flintstone would've been able to quit his quarry job after he became a successful vitamin entrepreneur.

@ForbiddenChild8 Ok, I see what's going on here. You're going to kink shame me. 😂

@wilby90 why you getting your butthole bleached thou??

When you get your butthole bleached, do they bring out a color wheel so you can choose the right shade?

@johnrabe @ATT Help this guy!

Because the jackwads at Xfinity can’t keep WiFi functional (I guess the hamster died), I can’t see the Cardinals game. Oh, but also a special shout to the jackwads at AT&T, whose signal is so bad in the middle of a major metro area that I can’t watch that way either. #STLCards

@mistrustme1 x.com/i/status/20550…

Drop your funniest tweet below, I’ll wait. The algorithm buries the good ones and the people worth following are out here talking to 12 people. If you’re under 5k? Show us what you got.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ PS: will be dropped in a room dedicated to spreading the under 5k love