Chip Clark

I want to remind everybody that I'm just a random dude who tweets dad jokes. Direct your ecoli tweets to @chipotletweets

I'll give it my best, but the odds of me catching you are not great

@juliamacfarlane Oasis?

If only Cain had not looked back in anger

@Achibellla Thanks for the validation, I was starting to think that I was just a character in a video game.

@Chipotle thanks for existing & for being my favorite go to 👌🏽👌🏽

@WalshFreedom @abbydphillip @ScottJenningsKY @CNN The show is modeled after professional wrestling. Jennings is paid to be the heel.

I like & respect @abbydphillip a lot, but she shouldn’t be “fed up” with @ScottJenningsKY. She should be fed up with herself or whoever at @CNN insists on putting Jennings on her show. Scott Jennings is just an actor. He’s playing a role. He gets paid to lie & bullshit. Don’t be “fed up” with HIM. Be fed up with whoever gives him a platform.

@JonahDispatch @EsotericCD Kudos to Kevin Drum (RIP) for shedding light on the effects of environmental lead poisoning

@EsotericCD Don’t sleep on the fact that lead poisoning probably accounted for some fraction of serial killers.

Serial killers were a 30-yr phenomenon in America, spiking through the '60s and dying out by the '00s: Technology made these people too easy to catch after the advent of DNA evidence. But the impulse could not have simply disappeared, could it have? Merely rechanneled. To where?

@ringer @FDSportsbook @HousefromDC @TheCousinSal @AnthonyDabbundo @craighorlbeck @Danny_Heifetz @DannyBKelly @ArielEpstein @john_jastremski @SheilKapadia Pretty sure this is part of Fanduel's government mandated campaign warning of the dangers of betting on sports.

Nearly everyone is riding with the Chiefs to cover in Week 15. Worrisome or fate? #TheRinger107 Odds via @FDSportsbook. #fdpartner

@DanCrenshawTX Getting tired of the "your screw ups excuse our screw ups" defense.

It’s funny that the loudest voices screaming ‘authoritarianism’ are the same ones who usually cheer executive orders, censorship, and bureaucrats running your life. And let’s not forget they were the ones closing small businesses and arresting people for going outside under the name of “public health.” Spare me. Freedom isn’t defined by your feelings. It’s defined by limits on government. That’s what we’re defending.

@ringer @FDSportsbook @TheCousinSal @AnthonyDabbundo @HousefromDC @SheilKapadia @craighorlbeck @DannyBKelly @Danny_Heifetz @ArielEpstein @john_jastremski Best anti-gambling PSA ever

… And before we’re all full of tryptophan, here are #TheRinger107 Week 13 picks! Odds via @FDSportsbook. #fdpartner

@BasedMikeLee Hey Mike, does this qualify youtube.com/shorts/LFAfSo8…

Nothing says “hip” like rhythm-less boomers trying to dance—all while trying way too hard to look like they’re having fun

@KennyGGee @PatrickRuffini As a troll effort this is pretty weak. You really need to step up your game!

@PatrickRuffini Wow, that has completely changed my entire point of view on everything, thank you, Patrick!

First No Kings protester I see is an old guy in a SpongeBob shirt. Completely normal well-adjusted people.

@XWorldTravelers @RepOgles A proposed amendment must be approved by a two-thirds vote in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, or by a national convention called by two-thirds of the state legislatures. The amendment then must be ratified by three-fourths of the states.

@RepOgles Change the law so that he can run a 3rd term. Let’s not just talk about it just do it. You guys only need to flip less than 10 senators to make it happen. Get to work!

Give Trump a third term, give him a Peace Prize, and let him run D.C. as long as he wants.

Congratulations, but I'm going to need a paternity test

This woman is actively serving as a Lt. Colonel in the army and has put her life on the line for all of us. The baseless slander is not only abhorrent but it’s unpatriotic. Shame on all of you trafficking in these lies. America will be safer with her in the cabinet.

Absolutely, but be very careful our beans are extremely hot.

@mattyglesias @nhannahjones Evidently, Elon has forgotten we have national elections every 2 years. If Elon’s predictions become reality, there won’t be many Republicans left in the House after 2026

@roddreher Evidently your opinion of this debate depends on whether you were wearing red or blue tinted glasses

Oh. Oh. Call 911, there has been a murder!

@megynkelly Two things are clear: 1. MK knows her audience 2. She won't say anything that makes them angry

Two things clear from that interview: 1. She hates Trump 2. She knows nothing other than Point 1

I probably deserve the verbal tongue lashing, but just to clarify my pronouns are he, him.

@davehyndman @globeandmail This should be a national law polsinelli.com/publications/s…

Why does the @globeandmail make cancellation of a digital subscription so difficult? I didn't have to phone anybody to sign up! #darkpatterns

@TPCarney We're also awash in guns that creates a spiral of fear

I don't see these events as one-offs. I see it as a sign of our cultural sickness--low social trust, low neighborliness, jealous adherence to property rights, desire for conflict. lawandcrime.com/crime/teen-see…