Mark Kettle

@HelloFreshUK I reported it on a live chat. The operator apologised, just like they did on the previous eight occasions it happened. Waste of time.

@markkettle Hi Mark! Sorry for the inconvenience. If you could DM us, we'd love to assist you directly and provide the support you need. - Shadia

@HelloFreshUK why do you keep using Evri? Leaving it on the doorstep every time when a safe place is clearly stated is ridiculous but this one really took the biscuit!

@LoftforWords On behalf of me and the other reader, thank you 👏👍

#COVQPR Preview-ish Where we've been, where we've got to, and how we make sure we never end up there again. Match preview 48/48. fansnetwork.co.uk/football/queen… #qpr

@buitengebieden @TheSimonEvans 😬

This took me a second.. 😂

@danmule93 @LoftforWords I’d rather have Ian Beale

@LoftforWords I hate myself for thinking it but there are players here who were bought specifically for Beale so maybe he should come back and get the best out of them. Then again he doesn't strike me as the relegation fight type of manager

Without a director of football, I am fascinated what this lot come up with now. Shortlist a) do we know who you are? B) has anyone got your phone number?

@TheSimonEvans Also insinuated he was a comedian!

BBC Verify gets ratio'd, and hard, for a piece for a piece full of half truths, vaguely insinuating that Brand is a conspiracy theorist who deals in half truths and vague insinuations.

@HLTCO @PeterCrouchPod Neville Mouthful in goal

Is this juvenile? Yes. Did it put a smile on my face and improve my day? Absolutely.

@TheSimonEvans Most of the time if I don’t find something funny I just don’t laugh and move on!

This kind of bullshit is a considerably greater drain on national resources of cheer and good humour than you might think. Not to find the video funny is fine, each to his own. But to try and project the kind of psychopathy like that of a small boy who tortures animals and grows up to be a serial killer, onto anyone laughing at this is a whining, soul sapping abomination. The kind of people that George Orwell rightly feared would constantly undermine the Left.

So @webuyanycar don’t buy any car then?!

@MartinSLewis @MoneySavingExp @ofgem They should give the cost in kwh for energy and standing charge. It doesn’t help me to know what the average person would pay. No other commodity uses this method!

I have written to @ofgem this morning (letter below) to ask it to change the rules regarding the few opaque energy fixes that are being launched at the moment, so there can be proper transparency and scrutiny. Just one of many things needed to improve our broken energy market.

@GMB Anyone who would like to know more, this story is told in my show The Work of the Devil, last few dates now - touring until the end of June. thesimonevans.com/2023-tour-date…

@LoftforWords Yep. There’s nothing quite like it to spoil what would otherwise be a lovely day 🙄

Ahhh the unmistakable existential dread of game day. Lovely morning for it too.

@OhmeEV If you were to add the solar integration you have been promising for two years people with solar panels would be able to make much better use of their renewable electricity.

British Summer Time is here – yippee! That means longer days, lighter evenings, ice creams and barbecues (but maybe not at the same time). That also means more sun and more renewable energy, meaning cleaner EV charging 🚗 🌞 ⚡ #EV #ElectricCars #RenewableEnergy #Summer #BST

@TheSimonEvans I remember seeing this when it was first aired too. You can feel the vacuum caused by the sharp intake of breath of the entire audience at the end of the first line. Brilliant. 👏👏

Been telling this joke for about fifteen years now. Never gets old. Unlike me. I look so young… Anyone who has seen my current tour show The Work of the Devil knows how curiously this joke slots into it. Tickets thesimonevans.com

@r_insights23 We looked lost at the weekend when he went off. No outlet and stuck in our own half. The inevitable happened.

We shouldn’t sell Dykes this window. 6 months in this Critchley system and he’s ending the season with 12+ goals and, contract permitting, his value will further increase. #QPR

@richardosman I think Angus Dayton was brilliant too though

Has a host ever suited a show better than Rob Brydon on #WouldILieToYou? He is just magnificent.

@qprnet We played so much better than we had in the last three games but, despite that, were still left trying to cling on to win by a single goal and that only went in because it was deflected.

Line in the sand drawn. If we play like that most weeks we’ll win far more than we lose. Gutted at how late the goal was but pleased with the display.

@secondtierpod Our League position! The same players that got us to the top of the league in October have since lost 5 of the last 6!

What position does your club need to strengthen the most in January? ✍️🤔

@tado I was one of the first people in the UK to obtain a Tado Heating control and am still using the V1 now. Seems to work great most of the time but why on earth would my heating come on now when set at 19.8 degrees and the temperature at inside 21.3?

@kevingallen10 True to his word for five weeks 🙄

This flags needs to be burned live on Twitter 😀😀