Ted

@benleo444 @rodamontade Dire Straits You couldn’t make it up Clown party

What makes this even worse is how poorly it’s produced. You can’t hear Starmer’s words over the track. The audio is messed up. And the track itself? ‘Money for nothing’ Peak Starmer.

When I’m Mayor, the cover-up around rape gangs in London ends. Anyone who abused them, or hid the truth, will face the full force of the state, not its protection. London’s girls deserve justice.

@ShabanaMahmood You will pay the Albanians and they will be back in a week with more capital for their drugs business

Our pilot of new incentives to remove failed asylum seeking families will save taxpayers up to £20 million. Here's why 👇 1. It costs 158k to put up a family of 3 in an asylum hotel for 1 year. It costs 48k more to forcibly remove someone. A 10k per person incentive, up to a max of 40k per family, will save money. 2. If someone refuses an incentive, we will move to a forced removal. If you have no right to be in this country, you should not be allowed to stay. 3. There is nothing new about incentive payments. The Tories did it. Even Reform say they will do it. 4. Higher incentives have worked in Denmark. 95% of returns there are voluntary. 5. These incentives are not a pull factor. Asylum claims in Denmark are at a 40-year low. And asylum seekers spend tens of thousands of pounds getting to this country, that's more than any incentive payment. 6. This is a pilot of 150 families. We will see if it works and scale it if it does. That's taking a smart approach, that saves taxpayers' money, to restoring order at our borders. I make no apology for doing that.

@Geniustechw Yep There are warnings everywhere in the Colosseum not to do that. He must be incredibly thick

Deserved? what do you think? 🤔

@ChayasClan @DavidLammy He hasn’t even the intelligence to understand that if you don’t know, dont say anything What a tosser.

No, @DavidLammy, Cyprus is NOT a NATO country. This is really basic stuff, David. Just do everyone a favor and resign. This is all too embarrassing

@PATRIOT2117 Presumably Brieonce

Been standing here for 15 minutes. Nothing!

PRESS RELEASE: HIGH COURT GRANTS HISTORIC PERMISSION FOR @TMOFCharity The Maggie Oliver Foundation TO CHALLENGE GOVERNMENT ON FAILURE TO ACT ON CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE AND EXPLOITATION This morning the High Court granted permission for charity, The Maggie Oliver Foundation, to challenge the Government on its failure to implement the recommendations of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA). The judgement is a moment of profound significance for survivors of child sexual abuse and for every child in this country whose safety depends on the Government honouring its commitments to reform. The Court found that following promises from consecutive governments, over the last almost four years, to learn lessons from IICSA to drive improvement in the policy and legislation protecting children, there is a legitimate expectation for them to deliver the inquiry’s twenty recommendations. The judge specifically highlighted the continued permission of use of pain inducing restraint techniques on children, a practice described as amounting to torture by IICSA, as an area where the Government has not justified its failure to act. The case will now proceed to a full substantive hearing. Maggie Oliver (former Detective and founder of the Maggie Oliver Foundation) will say: “Today is a historic day, not just for the Foundation, but for every survivor who has testified, waited and hoped. And it is for every child now and in the future, and for everyone who believes the state’s primary duty is to protect its citizens, especially the most vulnerable. When governments make promises to act and then walk away, children pay the price. Today the court has said, those promises matter.”

@ZiaYusufUK @ByrneBarry And when we fly you home You can try, try, try again.

New gameshow just dropped.

@JeremyCordite Nice. Bit of Lizzy 1st brought up to date for 21st century socialist Britain. Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more Or close up the wall with our English dead …… But when the blast of war blows in our ears Get legal advice, sit on the fence, then run away.

"I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a gerbil."

@lembitopik @richo160875778 They are saying it won’t because it costs an asylum seeker more than that to get here. What nonsense.

Labour doesn’t seem to realise that offering failed asylum seekers £40,000 to leave creates a £40,000 incentive to come to Britain to be a failed asylum seeker

@Steven_Swinford And now U turns again and lets Trump use the bases. He’s a clueless fucking imbecile

Keir Starmer in the Commons right now is arguing that Donald Trump has 1) no plan and 2) no legal basis for his airstrikes against Iran For a long time Starmer has trodden an incredibly delicate line when it comes to Trump, refusing to directly criticise him or the US In the wake of Donald Trump's criticism this morning - he said he was very disappointed with Starmer - the prime minister has decided to publicly criticise him

@NormanBrennan @a_shipl12 @Keir_Starmer Sorry Norman.

@philshall @a_shipl12 @Keir_Starmer Ted Irony & Satire matey I know exactly what the ship was used for can’t one have fun anymore🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

BREAKING NEWS; @Keir_Starmer has today Ordered that the Cutty Sark be taken out of dry dock in Greenwich Road driven to Portsmouth loaded with cannon balls & to Immediately set sail to Cyprus to protect our troops; he said “It should never have been decommissioned in 1895”👇🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

🚨 BREAKING: Iranians, Jews, and British citizens have gathered outside Manchester’s Islamic Centre during a vigil held for Ali Khamenei. The crowd is loudly and repeatedly chanting: “FUCK ISLAM” Many protesters are burning portraits of Leader Ali Khamenei.

@WillieHandler In the UK they don’t put you to sleep. They encourage you to fart to reduce the pain. It’s excruciating. My wife and I once got one of those home tests. We got the labeling mixed up. She had the test, I didn’t. How we laughed!

So, let me get this straight. A colonoscopy involves drinking disgusting "stuff" to make you sit on the toilet all day emitting disgusting "stuff". Then you show up at the hospital where doctors put you to sleep so they can fish a camera up your butt hole. Then they tell you to come back again in 5 years to do it all over again. Did I miss anything?

@RandomSprint Cars, beer, paella. Think that’s it.

I'd like to boycott Spain. Does anyone know if they make anything?

@2grindonmybelt They joined the Labour Party

Anyone notice when it rains that worms don’t even come out anymore. What happened to all of the worms

@Mr_Husky1 The bin.

Boiled Chicken, Greek Yogurt & White Rice. What’s missing here? 🍗

@DrDStarkeyCBE @Jacob_Rees_Mogg William 1V set up the mechanism that allowed the empire to happen with the creation of an independent bank and lower interest rates than the French.

In my recent discussion with @Jacob_Rees_Mogg, he asked me an intriguing question. We'd been discussing which were our favourite monarchs of each century. Sir Jacob was tempted to skip over the 19th century, on the grounds that there wasn't a lot of choice. Queen Victoria, after all, ruled the country for almost two-thirds of the 1800s. But I suggested we discuss the thoroughly short, unpopular, but hugely valuable reign of William IV. A debauched roisterer with a disastrous marriage and long-term mistress, William IV nonetheless oversaw momentous political change. He was the King at the time of the Great Reform Act of 1832. And though sympathetic, as any royal of his day was likely to be, towards the Tories, he was persuaded that the case for reform was unanswerable, and didn't stand in the way of it. As we survey our own political landscape, history is an incredibly rich resource from which we can learn and judge affairs. The early 19th century was a time of tumult and political disorder, street violence and economic disquiet. But the men of the age were able to accept change while retaining the essential elements of the British constitution. Indeed, one of the eventual products of that acceptance was the emergence of the Labour Party. For the Labour Party and the progressive establishment now to behave like some ancien regime, and seek to thwart the political aspirations of British people as expressed at the ballot box and polls is, in historical terms, the height of hypocrisy. Take, for example, the issue of peers in the House of Lords. Given their level of popular support, shouldn't Reform by now be permitted to have have at least one? Sir Keir Starmer won't hear of it. He could take a leaf out of the book of William IV. The King who loved nothing more than sailing, swearing and shagging, but who had the sense to know that standing in the way of political reform is a road to ruin and desiccation.