RandomSprint🧭

"No country has a right to exist. Countries must fight for their existence, as do we all." I press send on the tweet. I smile. I sip from the k-cup coffee the office serves. I revise the excel books. I submit my time in accordance with the client's expectations. The morning sun is shining into my office window, and the glare hurts my eyes. As I pull the chain that lowers the shades, a genetic memory is activated in my head. I am raising the sails in the Mediterranean. In the dead of a moonless night, my fire ship approaches the Ottoman fleet. I whisper to myself, "Konstantí, you are going to die." The resolution focuses me as the shadow of the Turkish fleet grows. I let go of the chain. I sip more coffee. It is bitter enough to let me know it is working. I have added more value than the client expected. It is a good day.

@KentleighE Oh no. What a tragedy.

@RandomSprint If you're not aware already, wait till you find out why this guy is so invested in this niche. (Pinned post on his account)

The world gets better from people who are passionate and exacting about their niche. Some of the niches are about preparing coffee, Excel formatting, or killing plants. Others are about saving lives.

@__tzs My likes count as three BANGER replies.

the problem is I don’t know if I’m funny unless 5-10 people type BANGER to affirm

@mattbramanti God, wish it would, though

I can assure everyone that it's not going anywhere close to $180 a gallon

@XUJ70506316 @thinkingshivers That's actually great news. I hope that makes solar more effective and then transition from fossil fuels sooner.

@RandomSprint @thinkingshivers Bad news. China's water resources are similar to those of the United States. Moreover, China has the world's highest utilization rate of liquid rocks.

China may be beating us in batteries, but the United States has TWICE as many rocks as China does. Why not simply use those to store gravitational potential energy by hoisting them high up?

@NussRelson @cremieuxrecueil By bayesian reasoning, it increases the odds!

@RandomSprint @cremieuxrecueil Just because YOU have it doesn't make it good.

Everyone has stripes known as Blaschko's lines. These are normally not visible and are generally only present if there's an issue, chimerism, etc. But some birds can see them!

@Geoffiam @eurydicelives I cannot deny who I am.

@RandomSprint @eurydicelives I hope you realize that being into breasts is gay

Big boobs are a necessity iff you want a Boob Man. You do not want a Boob Man.

Five minutes after scanning my wife and me with a uv gun: "Chat, do you think a type 3 and a type 1a can make it?"

Last night, my son was excited to talk to me about leprechauns, and my daughter was excited to talk about Helen Keller. I asked them which story was harder to believe. Son said that people wouldn't talk about leprechauns if they weren't true. We all agreed Helen Keller is wild.

@tomieinlove @shaggysurvives Banger.

(Monkey's Paw): I will grant you three wishes...but remember...be careful what you wish for [chuckles evilly]...you might get it. (Me): triple the price of insulin (Monkey's Paw): ha ha...you—what? (Me): wish 2, quadruple world hunger

@soul_needed Silencers for my critics.

"But Theo that's not where the so-" shut the fuck up I can't hear you

Silencers for leaf blowers

@StuffForSisters They always underperform, but I enjoy the constraint.

@RandomSprint Hi, coup!

I swore to love you But you ate the last ripe peach I was saving that

@Ruesavatar Guys were probably staring and thinking, "what on earth"

It is interesting that the caption here ends with “men are so embarrassing” when the message is so clearly “I don’t even have to brush my teeth and your husband wants me more than you.” Posing the men as the villains, when in reality she is only trying to one up women. Hm.

Newsome's Twitter account is more funny when you consider it an act of subversion to destroy his reputation.

@melissa The cornerstones of the Melissa garden, weeds and plastic.

one time a friend got me a succulent. a tiny perfect one in an open dome habitat. i resented the burden. you can't kill a gift. i heeded sun. i got a mister. confidence grew. i got more plants and misted them too. one day i see mold. i scrape it off, alarmed. the plant is plastic