40 Miles Out

When I was a Kid my mother (against my will ) put me in the Little Mister Bandera Contest in 1977. I won. I then went on to be a 2nd runner up in the Little Mister Texas Contest in 1977. The funny part of the story was that Mathew McConaughey also was the 1st runner up. Too cool.

@Kmadhulika31Me @AmazonHelp I deleted and then re=installed the app on my phone and it fixed the issue.

@AmazonHelp Hello there, I’ve got a CS11 error code on my Amazon app. Tried to restart my iPhone and uninstall then reinstall app, still got the problem. How to solve it ? Thanks

me: I’ll take this goth pear cashier: that’s an avocado

Into.👏My.👏Veins.👏 twitter.com/_holmes_holmes…

Good morning to everyone except those that think Jack In The Box Tacos are good.

[phone call] Me: Happy Father’s Day dad! Dad: who is this

imagine dying at work & the first thing they do is clock u out

Me: Magic 8-Ball, will I ever find true love? Cantaloupe: Maybe if you lay off the drugs.

Waiting for my precious daughter to graduate. Awesome!! #LamarUGrad19

crocodiles waiting for zebras to come drink water from the river

Interviewer: have you ever made, eaten or even seen a sandwich? Dude: no Interviewer: you're hired welcome to Subway

every time taco bell comes out with a new menu creation i gently shake my head and chuckle softly "taco bell you've done it again"

TWEET OF THE YEAR CALL Give your favourite that you wrote in 2018. Happy New Year to you all. My favourite:

Wait?! There's a high road?

I'm fine. It's fine. It's all fine. *quietly lights everything on fire*

If you talk to dogs in your regular voice you’re a cop