days

my first time trying standup comedy…

There’s 100 grocery stores and even more groceries

perfect tl

Pretty accurate

@Dansplainer Happy birthed day 🎉

multiple oomfs wishing me happy birthday before my parents, x the everything app is basically a parent to me now

@lilemmvert bro said: GLUB GLUB 🗣️🗣️🗣️

@Dayscd SCREAMING FISB

SCREAMING BABY

1,000 urkels with their arms on each other's shoulders smiling and shouting in chorus: did we do that?

@IncomingSwarm LMAO 😭

@Dayscd More like “holy piss”

The first girl to ever squirt was probably like ‘holy shit’

I’m having dance withdrawals I got the Harlem shakes

If I wanted to be mean to Po I would call him Kung Food Panda as a reminder of his overweight. I won’t do that though because that would be mean. A thing I am not.

@shmegmoid Ruined my entire fucking day.

Ken Carson and Playboi Barbi

(guy who doesn't know you can turn calculators upside down) hey man look at this... I've put in 58008, right. Now stand on your head real quick

sometimes when I'm in the tub ill say things to myself like "soap. Nice. I can use that to clean my body" and it makes the whole thing feel much safer

picked a guy’s wallet out of his pocket and immediately stamped my name and address on it and then put it back in his pants and called the cops

@_pressuredrop_ Poop sex ed teacher shitting on a banana

@Dayscd i practice safe poop

Do yall take your condom off before you shit or after?

The year is 207🙂(pronounced twenty seventy smile). Grins are the new currency. While it may seem that the forces of gladness run this world, it's said that a secret frowning circle is burgeoning beneath the surface, promising to change everything. Which side will you choose?