Templeton Moss

My dudes! My dudes!! My sister needs help! Retweet, give what you can, be a pal! Please. gofund.me/6fa1160f1

I invented a thing! I call them "Tairy Fales!" They're fairy tale mashups. Take a little of one story, little bit of another and--BOOM!--you got something brand new and kinda silly! #TairyFales lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Elephant pants! Elephant pants! Put on a top hat and go to a dance! Dance with an elephant, bring her some punch. Maybe on Tuesday, you'll go out for brunch. lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Is your kid too damn smart for their own good? Do they crave mystery stories but find Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys boring? Then they might just like my all-ages take on Sherlock Holmes, Shelly Hobbes. lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Looking for your next read? I gotcha covered: This is all the short stories and poems I've gotten published over the last decade or so. Including my prize-winning "The Danny Jacobs Program" and my fantasy/noir novella "The Stuff Wishes Are Made Of." lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Looking for your next read? I gotcha covered: When she was little, Shelly Hobbes used to solve mysteries like her hero, Sherlock Holmes. Now she's all grown up and the game is afoot once again. lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Looking for your next read? I gotcha covered: College sophomore Mokey is in love with a woman named Nasim. Her right wing parents think she's in love with a boy named Austin. She hires someone to play the part over Spring Break with unexepected results. lulu.com/shop/templeton…

Looking for your next read? I gotcha covered: This is the story of Algy, a "recreational liar" who travels the country in a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle. This time, he accidentally lies his way into a criminal conspiracy which will change his life forever. lulu.com/shop/templeton…

This seems like a good time to remember that #Trump is a warmongering, child raping, multiple felon and the fact that he’s still president is an insult to every single American. #TrumpThePedo #TrumpTheRapist #TrumpTheFelon #LockHimTheFuckUpAlready

@sarah1mc More than a few but less than oodles.

Tf do you mean how much is a bunch

@dexteristwisted I like my eggs like I like my women…very near some toast. No, hang on, that’s wrong.

I like my eggs like a like my women..a little scrambled, but over easy

@TheyCall_Me_Doc “I love Dr. Pepper. Don’t pretend to understand it. I’m not that arrogant. I drink it every day; could not tell you what flavor it is. ‘I don’t know, it takes like a sexy battery, does that help?’”—James Acaster

My favorite food group is Dr Pepper.

@KarlstanVance So was I. Then it arrived and it had fur and antlers. That’s when I realized I’d made a mistake on the order form.

Waiting for my muse

@highsieze6 I was in a kerfuffle, does that count?

hi were you in a scuffle

@BlueSfaira It’s actually due to the angle you’re looking from. Looking straight down at your OWN grass, you see the dirt and dead spots between the green glass. Looking at your neighbor’s lawn, you’re seeing it from the side so you can’t see the brown bits and it looks greener.

What is on the other side that makes the grass greener?

@cutiemcfly007 Steer clear of anyone who has Roman numerals after their name. Or more than one initial before their name.

Is it possible for you not be a tool if you're a Jr or II and so on.

@JayLongWrites Most are on Amazon, some are on @Luludotcom.

If you're a published indie author, where is your book available? Amazon? Wide? Direct?

@RyanMorholt We all feel that way from time to time. The joy will return. Until then, enjoy these yummy pancakes.

Writers: What is one thing you hate about writing? Right now, I feel so distant from my writing. It feels like more of a chore than a joy right now.

@ESXIII Your words intrigue me, ES. Guacamole dog… guac dog… hmmm…

Sometimes I put a little guacamole on my hot dog. Because this is supposed to be a melting pot, dammit!

@Camel_Crushin Best of the trilogy. Yeah, I said it.

I’m up way past my bedtime but I’m watching Hot Fuzz so it’s cool.

@ModeratelyMused Best damn pizza there is.

What the fuck is Papa Murpheys???