katie

how it ended 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

last time i got my bloodwork at labcorp the 19 year old tech asked me if i wanted to know the time and date of my death

he would’ve fought the hantavirus himself if it was on his ship

Negotiations must be going horrifically if they’re calling me

you’re on Very thick ice with me . i love you

told the pharmacist at costco i had goodrx and she looked at me like i said i had a gun lmfao

When someone’s email address isn’t @ gmail it’s like wow you are one interesting chica

hamburger help us

A little more than a year between these two pictures

shit is so bad i almost just retweeted MTG

One month after starting the war in Iran, this is the statement of the President of the United States on Easter Sunday. These are the ravings of a dangerous and mentally unbalanced individual. Congress has got to act NOW. End this war.

You can really tell America is winning this war when the president panic posts “open the fuckin’ strait, you crazy bastards” at 5 am on Easter Sunday along with an extension on their deadline

Dermatologists be like: “palpable pruritic purpuric patches of papules and pustules parading partially past the platysmal plane alongside prominent plaques of pedal petechiae”

all the baby jane does 😭😭😭😭

While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, the TSA is falling apart, just like our government! Airports a total disaster!

lying awake at night: Everything is a torture tool against me, i get killed 10x a day. Im Satan sitting at my desk in the morning: I better have 2-3 more coffeine so i can blast off

my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it

(drinking one beer and speaking sternly) there are certain fabrics I Do not like

dana: *smoking a cigarette after a terrible shift* emma: mind if i join you? baby jane doe: yeah, mind if i tag along? *counting stars by one republic begins to play from a nearby ambulance* robby (dead, smiling fondly): maybe we’re all The Pitt

my mom is on the case