Jennifer Killa Dilla

Please excuse me while I mentally checkout 🎀

A properly timed DMX bark can get you out of pretty much any social situation

Roses are red I have a suspicion That something is wrong with my Neurocognition

Source: Bro, I was there

“Dumocrats” ha ha! The President had a vowel movement on TV.

My doctor keeps encouraging me to eat healthy but I avoid diet coax.

[Koolaid Man’s cousin Piss Jug Man bursts through the wall] Me: oh no!

me: hey babe, are you Leonardo DiCaprio because you are keeping it under 25 slow driver in front of me:

The worst part about getting to know people is the knowing

When I’m eating shared nachos I’m always thinking 3 nacho moves ahead of my opponent.

“You might as well be talking to a wall.” “Actually I have a wall that remembers the things I say.” “WTF?” “It’s a retaining wall.”

Letting the cop in this gas station know I'm totally law abiding and sane by performing a deep curtsy

Life happens at the gas station

I confused MYOB & BYOB so I’m just over here minding my own booze.

Before Waxahachie was founded in 1850 Texas had a hairy hachie.

The Victorian ghost child who resides in my peripheral vision says she doesn't like you

The blue one is popular with barbers for comb storage

Me: I’d like calf definition. Trainer: Sure. It’s term for young animal offspring commonly used for bovine species and whales.

It was vaguely awkward, like talking to someone with adult braces

My donut-obsessed kid has very casually suggested that maybe we can go to Dunkin tomorrow, you know, for Mother's Day

it's like riding a bike Oh so incredibly difficult?