Katie Cummins

On friendship// I truly believe the misery and loneliness a lot of people feel these days has more to do with choosing the wrong “friends” than it does with actually being alone. Friendship as we know it has nothing to do with the frequency of interaction, how many pictures you have together, or how much you interact on social media, but rather everything to do with who you are and what you grow into in someone else’s presence. Living in LA, I’m often surrounded by people who go out just to take pictures, or find opportunities, or be at the hottest parties. Nothing wrong with any of this but when your friendships only consists of interactions surrounding superficiality.. that is what you are left with. A superficial friendship. No depth. And as a result you feel lonelier than ever. I’ve been there many, many times. As we move through life trying to find meaning and joy, three things are inevitable: 1.Problems will arise constantly 2.You need to schedule time to celebrate and feel joy 3.The lessons won’t stop coming, pay attention. What does friendship have to do with any of this? Everything. 1/ The fact that problems arise constantly is an uncomfortable truth, but friendship is key here since this is true for all people (not just you), and we need each other. Therefore, a big part of a meaningful friendship is becoming a problem solver for others and allowing your friends to help you problem-solve. This is a two-way street. The best friendships provide a ground for vulnerability on both ends, and also strength on both ends. Remember: A friend is someone who stands by your side no matter what you’re facing. Even if they have to tell you that you’re wrong. An acquaintance is someone who is impartial and won’t go to war alongside you. Stays when things are looking good, backs aways when it's risky. Always choose being a friend. 2/ Celebrating wins, birthdays, momentous occasions are crucial. Life can get tough, work can get tough, relationships can be tough. We need excuses to laugh and party and make memories. Sometimes it’s your special day, other times it’s theirs. One thing I can tell you for sure— real friends will celebrate you and be happy for you regardless of what’s happening in their life. Don’t be the friend that’s only there when things are going wrong. Show up to party and celebrate someone when things are progressing for them. Even if you’re away physically. A meaningful text message or a card goes a long way. We know this. 3/ Reflection is key. As we evolve, there are lessons popping up left and right. If you don’t reflect, you’ll be sure to miss them. Literally all it took was a text message of appreciation from a friend for me to remember what it meant to be a good one, and where my loneliness was truly coming from. Spending so much time on the internet can render you “lost in the sauce.” Instead of focusing on meaningful friendships, you start focusing on impressions, engagement, connecting with “the right people.” As someone with a big network, I can tell you the only “right people” are true friends. And until you experience hardships together, resolve conflicts with healthy communication, and celebrate each other, you don’t really have sh*t. These superficial relationships are the reason we are lonely. The quest for success and clout and money and power have eroded our true friendships, and left us with “connections.” Connections are superficial friendships until time proves the loyalty on both ends. And honestly, the ROI on superficial friendship sucks. All the good friendships I have—the ones that feel like home and make everything worth it— help me evolve into the person I want to become and bring me closer to me, and vice versa. The people I find myself wanting to be there for are people I can comfortably laugh and cry with, share my pain with, share my wins with, create meaningful memories with.