Momma of Midgard

The worst thing about someone coming to my house for a second time is that they now know I was lying when I said “my house doesn’t usually look this bad” the first time they stopped by.

@IAmJohnAles My kid always asked to put “farmer John” cheese on his pasta. Kid is almost 15 and we still call it that. 😊

Name the wrong thing your toddler said repeatedly but you refused to correct. I’ll start. Shunflashes.

Hey guys, wanna feel old? I'm 40. You're welcome.

Without revealing your age, who was your very first favorite athlete?

@aintlifeswells Queen, MJ, Elvis ❤️

Took my kids to the pediatrician yesterday and I told her we’ve barely left the house in 5 months and then she looked at me in all seriousness and asked how much screen time they were getting. I mean... c’mon, lady, read. the. room.

@GifZelda Climbing behind the tv to flip the switch...

There needs to be a scientific study on how we can spend $250 a week on groceries and never have anything to eat in the house.

My sister has this spooky statue in her garden which came with the house. It’s like an episode of Doctor Who

My kids are old enough to stay home by themselves, so most of my day is spent refreshing Google Earth to see if my house is on fire.

Shampoo bottles are more dramatic than little brothers. Like I barely touched you! Why did you fall down!?

@PAVGOD It’s a tribble. Watch out...they’re trouble!

What kind of dog is this (wrong answers only)

My favorite part of having the kids home indefinitely is that we continue to spend $12 million a month on groceries.

@MedleyCentre @ferrisweb

Sometimes I want to make my Kids fill those old blue ice trays just so they can experience the disappointment of popping the cubes out all over the floor.

@aintlifeswells Oh my goodness, I can’t imagine. Good luck to you all, friend! ❤️

Parenting is making a sandwich for yourself, surrendering one half to each of your kids, and eating cereal for lunch instead bc you're out of bread.

@DaphBrog The kids have “responsibilities” here.

@akkitwts Reuben.

My daughter has been hoarding empty toilet paper rolls in her bedroom. I don’t know what kind of elaborate craft she’s planning, but I already know I want to throw it out.