🐢What the Tuck🧣(’-’*)

Shampoo bottles are more dramatic than little brothers. Like I barely touched you! Why did you fall down!?

@difficultpatty Yes so awesome nice things!

Northern Lights is just a gimmick to sell more lights.

Arms should be removable at bedtime.

🎶 Never gonna get you out Never gonna heat you up Never gonna remember I wanted to eat you -me, putting leftovers away in the fridge

@hushed_puppy @parilani :0

ok the way this man just jumped out of bed to eagerly grab his switch bc "omg it's turnip day" in animal crossing 😂😍

Light as a feather, smorg as a board

@kriswasp I feel this haha! I am on the second floor and the building next to me has this cat that is just always watching me when I forget to close the blinds

Bump in the night? No, I’m more scared of things that go bump in the day. Like If someone bumps into my car, that’s like $2,000 that I really don’t have

@RobotRecall Wait… I think you are onto something there! But then ya lost me lol

@TucktheguyFly Okay but seriously, midnight goose watching would be the perfect date! I think. Okay, most of my date ideas end with me dragging indoor people all over creation in the middle of the night, which some might not appreciate. But, I’m right.

me: I like bird watching date: I prefer bad boys me: *nervously* I only watch geese

@difficultpatty You probably burn more calories in the Pre Nasal drip ceremony, so I wouldn’t worry about it

How many calories are in post-nasal drip?

Well well well, if it isn’t me getting takeout after spending $300 on groceries.

I’m starting to get second thoughts about this discount meal kit service

Anyone else have that one friend that just jumps out at any given moment so they can scare you? Ya, well their Personality trait is a Toaster

Him: Let me be frank. Frank: No, it's my turn.

@jojipaints Well it did steal the Royal Jewels, so I guess we wouldn’t have to worry about financial stability

@jojipaints I don’t know! The last people that let the royal families jewels get stolen, got all of their bones broken😞 we need a plan

@jojipaints My JEWELS! I need those!

A big shout out to the inventor of hugs. A+