Jennie

@benleo I’d rather have the lettuce. How are the exciting new pork markets going then Liz?

The greatest Prime Minister we weren’t allowed to have 🇬🇧

@MartinSLewis around 10 yrs ago my husband was diagnosed with a rare heart condition called Brugada syndrome. Our mortgage insurance policy refused to pay out saying it wasn’t a listed illness. We didn’t contest at the time is it too late now? Thank you

@asda not very impressed with your customer service. I have an issue with a click and collect order and have messaged your customer service team twice only to receive an automated response. Please get in touch.

I just entered @AutoTrader_UK’s monthly️ #ElectricCarGiveaway & you can too! This month’s prize is a BYD ATTO 3 worth over £38k! It’s free to enter & you have until 30th April. All information (including Ts&Cs) can be found here: bit.ly/3xDYOHy

@JohnPDrew1 @nearbyplanet @ByDonkeys Working for the Ministry of Silly Walks me thinks…

Bye 👋 twitter.com/ByDonkeys/stat…

@SomersetLive Because they’re a f@@king disrespectful knob with the IQ of a slug

Why would someone do this? somersetlive.co.uk/news/somerset-…

@BritishTelecom please sort this out. You’ve left an inspection chamber with no cover for OVER 6 WEEKS. The barriers have now been dismantled & you promised to sort it but haven’t. It’s really dangerous as it’s on a main route to school and the GP surgery. Do you want a law suit

@fesshole If you were mugged & your purse or wallet stolen you would report it to the Police as a crime. The fact that there is no violence involved does not make benefit fraud acceptable. It’s still a crime. A lot of people on benefit get more than you do & you are paying for it. Own goal

Working for Council Tax, I received calls from people snitching on neighbours about working or partner in house. I listened intently and did nothing, passed nothing on and wrote nothing down. Can't be doing with grasses.

Mick Lynch is the official opposition.

@eliistender10 Green Wing free on All 4. Pant wettingly funny.

Looking for something new to watch, suggestions please

I carry two cooked sausages in a poo bag when I take the dog out. When the dog takes a crap I pretend to pick it up but never do. Never have. Anyone says anything and I point to the bag pretending it's poo. After walkies me and the dog have a sausage each.

@fesshole Some dogs will eat other dogs poop and this is how infection spreads plus it can carry toxicara virus which can lead to blindness in humans and miscarriage in cows. You are an ignorant dirty slob. I hope karma pays you a visit

@Parody_PM why the f@@k didn’t they use the ejector seat while they had the chance?

I have set myself the challenge of spending as much tax payers' money in the next two months as I would have if I'd remained in office.

@huskadoodledoo I think you’re gorgeous xxx

@DeborahMeaden Saw a poster at a garden centre saying Somerset county council has declared a climate crisis. Why have they given PP for 1000s of new homes NONE of which have solar panels. The cheapest and best time to install is during construction. Makes my blood boil.

And… the ingest threat of all… Climate Crisis but as usual that’s dropping off the Agenda #dontlookup

@DeborahMeaden Douglas Adams had it spot on

Sadly most of the people who would be great Ministers are not launching their bid…

@Number10cat Haven’t they suffered enough at the hands of blonde buffoons?

Not to overly concern my friends in the States, but Boris Johnson was born in New York so don’t be surprised if he runs to be US President one day…

@TVSanjeev Which family?

Boris set to spend more time with his family. Family urging him to stay on.

@stephenfry Sad pair of f@@kers