Nick Howard

North London forever !!!!!!

When will @LNER catering admit that it’s no longer winter?

@SoVeryBritish They fight with their necks - almost like arm wrestling. That’s where their strength lies.

Has anyone in Britain ever actually had their arm broken by a swan?

The 'Rhodesia Solution': How to use word tricks to 'disclose' a scandal to a Prime Minister while allowing him not to act. And to say, later on, that he wasn't really told...

The first martins have arrived!

@archer_rs And absolutely nobody ever said: “it’s ok! This is my round!”

Sherlock Holmes never says “Elementary, my dear Watson” in any of the original stories. Rick never said, "Play it again Sam" in the move "Beam me up, Scotty" was never said in Star Trek "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn" was never said in Gone with the Wind

What is the single funniest line Wodehouse ever wrote? No wrong answers, only joy.

The Nobel Prize committee should announce the World Cup winner tomorrow.

Someone should tell America that this is the football World Cup. Not soccer. Football.

Channeling @GreatDismal

@WelBeast Pah!

Liverpool are nothing without PGMOL.

It seems @British_Airways software systems are a mess. Won’t accept my longtime password. Password reset fails. All this after they changed my username to a ridiculous chain of names from the simple version. Upcoming flights not showing on the app. Sort it out!

Can you imagine Trainspotting playing on tv, with sponsorship adverts before and after each break for opioids or heroin? That’s what bet365’s football tv sponsorship is. So easy to stop. Just do it, no “consultations “ with betting companies.

The question to ask about ID cards, before even considering whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, is: is government even capable of rolling this out? Previous experiences suggest not.

RIP Janine who brought warmth and friendship to the Woolwich bar at #arsenal. She was the cherry on the emirates cake for me. I only found out today that she died suddenly after the end of last season. She’d been there 13 years. Maybe rename to Janine’s Bar? xxx

Dear @DavidLammy We, the British people, demand that if Isaac Herzog steps foot on British soil he is arrested for his war crimes. RT if you agree and tag your MP below 👇

A special night to mark the 100th year of Yorkshire Cancer Research ift.tt/IhTGkqc ift.tt/RnrBkGt

@gamray Bit like his football

Theo Walcott is an astronomically terrible pundit. Loses his train of thought mid sentence, think he’s a bit simple

These half-time interviews are just wrong. Let the game talk and leave the words for afterwards.

@DSpacemen Alternatively, declare yourself a Boring Old Fart and refuse to join the “club”. BOFs trump GOMs.