Velocirooster chicxulubensis

IT'S THE LAST THEROPOD THURSDAY! Folks, it's time for me to close up shop here. Thanks to everyone who has participated over the years. It's been a lot of fun. If you have any interest in Mastodon please check out the instance I run at beige.party NOW SEND TWEETS!!!

Canada's Wood Buffalo National Park is bigger than Denmark, but contains approximately 68% fewer LEGO® viking minifigures. #RandomAndFakeTrivia #CanadaDay

Most white cats with blue eyes are deaf, while the remainder are just ignoring you. #RandomAndFakeTrivia

An average dinosaur weighed about 3,500 kg (7,700 lb), while a below-average dinosaur weighed less. #RandomAndFakeTrivia

My pair of poodles have learned how to make a pillow-fort. Don't ask me how, they're self taught.

cocaine is actually legal in there. that's why they call it the Whitehouse and Biden's code name is the "snowman".

Alice through the needle’s eye: an adventure about threads

Underwire broke and now I’ve got one boob in my pocket and the other one is hailing a taxi cab

Boy, nothing is more misleading than having someone invite you over to "Netflix and chill" and then all you end up really doing is just watch a movie and relax.

Carefully placing the toilet seat cover in a public restroom only to have it blow away the second I sit down is just the way I roll.

I always thought my dog hated 4th of July because of the fireworks, but it turns out all this time he was just a 1700s English Sympathist. 🤷‍♂️

I spent a solid 10 minutes lecturing my kid about not writing on the couch with a pen and she said “It’s a marker not a pen.”

for the potato fears not death

Me: Wait, dead presidents means money? Zombie George Washington clawing his way up from the basement: BRAINS Me: NOT NOW GEORGE

The Burger King can legally officiate a wedding, but only if the rings are onion rings

Manifesting the lady on the plane by going into department stores and shouting at mannequins.

Have hit the point in summer break where I tell my kids to play outside and not come in or else. Follow me for more gentle parenting advice.

Like a fallen ice cube kicked under the refrigerator these are the days of our lives.