Wilde Thingy (new account)

Chucked out of the gutter, sniping at the stars.

@tnickbyrnes4 I did know the answer to that. But not anymore!

@WilderThingy What if you forget how little you know?

I'm smart enough to know how little I know. And the way my memory is going, I'm getting smarter all the time.

@JPLFR80 Surely that's why god invented donuts 😘

310k isn't enough likes to fill the emptiness

Need the Pope to release an encyclical against Teams calls

@fesshole This craze is all over tiktok. Mostly soundtracked by Duran Duran.

I have discovered a new prime source of blackheads to squeeze: my ballsack. The dog loves what comes out.

While I like the idea of wine stoppers, the name scares me far too much.

Trying to beat the philosophy out of this philosophy student. "But why?", he screams. This only makes me punch him harder.

a children’s dinosaur book called all my friends are dead

We're working on an app that lets you gamify loving your kids

Yes, I am wearing new socks. Thank you for noticing. *blushes from head to ankle*

@thrluv Slor

what’s a word what sounds like a slur but isn’t

@trav12037911 My top tweet

What's the dumbest thing you're proud of?

i am a self taught heart surgeon if anyone needs me

Almost made it without incident

might fvck around and create a new reality

@ridhima_z Good. Always really puts me off when I'm having sex and she starts moaning lots of boys' names.

there’s only like 5 moanable boy names

addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a gargoyle

I'm giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation... I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.

I'm trying to think of a joke for which the punchline is, 'Marsupial? More like marpoopial!'

Just lent someone a dvd like we used to do in the 1800’s.