Joe Shefer

@NatWestBusiness @NatWest_Help The app and the complaints team are not fit for purpose. The branches are being decimated. It's time to move on to the challenger banks.

@NHSHomerton @Meg_HillierMP @wesstreeting In a GF corridor of St Leonard’s Hospital is a toilet. It’s been ‘Out of order’ for 6 months. The door is unlocked. Inside the bowl remains unflushed excrement. Is this not a catastrophic failure of basic hygiene? I’ll spare you the image

@VictoriaCoren @Nick_Holland_ VCM, the only thing you fail at is not making at least one weekly quasi-lewd reference to Michael Portillo’s upcoming appearance in something innocuously titled. I shall have to complain to Barry Took, may his memory be a blessing.

@Nick_Holland_ Oh thanks, Nick! That’s lovely of you. ❤️ I hadn’t seen that strange little item. Not much evidence of his own sense of humour in it, is there? But as you say, he seems to be quite an unpleasant fellow; it may be that he just doesn’t like women very much.

This has me fuming! Rod Liddle, who was once arrested for punching his pregnant partner, attacks Victoria Coren Mitchell in print 😤 I'm lucky enough to have met @VictoriaCoren when I was on 5 episodes of Only Connect and you couldn't meet a nicer, kinder, funnier person.

@LBC Is there any chance we can get Liz Truss back?

Break out the bubbly: Inmates freed to 'party' outside HMP Wandsworth under Labour's early release scheme buff.ly/3zg16T1

@ssnomadic Fascinating tour of this tender prior to visiting @TitanicBelfast but sloppy grammatical typo on one of the info displays; should be “gents’ lavatories”!

@TitanicBelfast Mixed review. Lighting in some areas dreadfully dim or bright and contrast making it difficult to read. Overall, fascinating but a sloppy error on the memorial wall - first alphabetical survivor listed as ABBOTT, Rhoda, but graphic misspells that as Rhonda ABBOT!

@NorvunMunkeh @charles_veitch @CrimeLdn Indeed…but to me Charlie definitely looks Froggish…

Teenager tells police: I found the drugs and wanted to sell them 😮

@DreyfusJames Can you please redo this but in the style of Carmen Ghia…I still giggle when I recall your stage left slo-mo receding digit. 👈🏻

Yo yo yo. Whaddup, Elon Thee Musk??? Message for yo’…word up.

.@KFC_UKI .@kfc Reality vs. fantasy. £7 for a barely warm flat soggy chicken pancake and accompanying dross. #neveragain

@KFC_UKI Is that what it’s supposed to look like. If so I want my £7 back!

Just like socks and sandals, there's a right way and a wrong way to BBQ. You don't need me to tell you that the Ultimate BBQ Burger is the right way 😏

@LBC Was her favourite lesson teaching about the lowest common denominator?

Maths teacher Rebecca Joynes, 30, who ‘had sex with two students’ arrives at court arm-in-arm with her father buff.ly/3yiKR6V

@Dawnashep1963 @DreyfusJames @Nyxi_Tryxi At least it wasn’t Richard Gadd! #babyraindeer (sic)

@DreyfusJames @Nyxi_Tryxi It's the same as when you were called Richard Dreyfus then they changed it to Richard Gere.

After watching the behaviour of this 31 year old straight woman, over the last few days, it strikes me that many of these so-called ‘non-binaries’, who call themselves ‘que*rs’, & think they’re inventing the wheel, are just a petulant, entitled, narcissistic, deeply troubled bunch indeed. They talk of “love, power & support” but only for themselves. I love rebels. I always have. But this is “rebellion” with almost zero cause. This is simply cos-play. This is larping. This is fantasy play. There’s zero substance, bar the stamping of hooves & many crocodile tears. “The Queers are Coming”, she shrieks, as if it’s some kind of warning or threat. (Colin Welland, she ain’t…🙄) Against what & whom? Straight people? She IS straight. It makes no sense. There’s no genuine pride here. No sense of good grace in the face of defeat. No warmth. No credible joy. Just a simmering rage. No ability to accept the fact that simply because you WANT something does NOT mean you’ll get it. It’s sad more than anything, really. Nothing more than Veruca Salt plus antlers….someone get her a squirrel, pronto….

@NatWest_Help So this looks like a hack attempt as the word partner is spelt wrong and I am an existing customer.

@VictoriaCoren @OctopusEnergy @OVOEnergy There’s only one person who’ll resolve this for you. He’s the current power top with a top power train and more swag than a pornstar’s bag, he’ll come down on them hard, shock them into submission, the o(hm)riginal resistance fighter, the bolt with a volt, Michael Portillo 💗

Approaching the end of the poll, and @OctopusEnergy maintains an approval rating of 87% from 35,000+ voters. I’m still with @OVOEnergy while I try to sort out the mess of my billing history but it seems a no-brainer to move. Thanks so much for all the votes, stories and advice.

@felixjonesxxx Hi Felix. I’m a freelance accountant based in London. Please DM me for contact details.

Need a accountant Asap

@LBC Did she just say ‘pacifically’?!

@Meta You have ruined my 11yo son’s holiday period by suspending his account even though it was not, as your email suggests, set up against your T&Cs. It is tantamount to theft. You need to sort it out ASAP

@Tesco my honest review of your Pigs Under Blanket so-called premium £4 sandwich: I wouldn’t feed it to a dog! More fat than meat on bacon and hard lumps of fat and gristle in the sausages.

If you like disintegrated cushion linings after just five years, I can thoroughly recommend the garden furniture range from @RobertDyas run by none other than test-to-destruction guru himself, @TheoPaphitis Don’t let anyone persuade you their products are inferior…

⁦@waitrose⁩ I wish they were less than a penny a kilo…£9 presumably!