Ass-Chair

@ass_deans “Also remember that tuition amount we told you to budget for? We gave you the numbers from 2018, not 2022. Please let us know how you’ll make up for the 13% increase in tuition!”

Congrats on your grant! So glad all your hard work paid off. Also, we are never going to let you spend the awarded monies on the project we approved and NSF funded.

@bitterassprof @ass_deans Don’t know about you, but in real dollars I make less than when I started.

@ass_chair @ass_deans Inflation has erased the last three COLAs and we didn’t get anything in 2020. But hey, prestige is more important than salary right? (meanwhile admin gets a raise based on prestige of the unit).

“Congratulations on winning the most prestigious grant in your field! The prestige of winning this really stands on it’s own, so we won’t grant your raise request. Enjoy the upcoming cost of living adjustment that’s 1/5th the rate of inflation!” - @ass_deans

@JohnHolbein1 Let your chair know you’d appreciate a raise to keep up with the demands of supporting a household in the highest inflationary environment in 40 years. They’ll certainly grant your request.

what's the secret to maintaining a healthy work-life balance? {wrong answers only}

@AcademicChatter The paperwork that comes along with it!

@AcademicChatter Budgets!

@ThePopCulWriter We’re still using them

@ass_chair Oh I remember those well. Especially when you used up all lines on one side and started the other side.

A lot of us on #AcademicTwitter have to fill out electronic forms, print them out because the forms don’t work, and send them using this

@university_hr When we lost our last clerk, they gave us an hourly student worker.

@university_hr Your university has a Keurig machine?

@ass_deans What school do you work at that supports any faculty travel or professional development? You’re only allowed to do that here if you’ve got a grant to pay for it.

We’ve disallowed ‘strippers’ and ‘emotional support monkey’ on your travel expense report. You use grant money for those items.

I just discovered I make less than the ass. director of surveys (who sends out like one survey per year). What did I do wrong with my life @ass_deans @AssProvost @YourFaveProvost @provost_v_ass @ChairMartyr

Or even @ass_deans

Also, going from faculty member to associate chair.

@ass_deans Correction - they want to keep their three offices. They collect an office for each ass. position they’ve had!

So you don’t want to teach in person; you don’t want to come to the campus; but you want to keep your office. Did I miss anything?

@panickedpostdoc @DiponSarkar10 @tdm_goes_viral @AcademicChatter Remind them that they do not have a PhD yet.

The @usnews rankings are out, and it’s clear that the attempts of @ass_deans to play the ranking game has worked yet again. Meanwhile student satisfaction, employee morale, and general life on campus has never been worse.

@CIOeviltwin @ass_deans Or Organizational Excellence

@ass_deans Would it have killed him to have added Digital Transformation to his title?

Regardless of what many of you think, there is no truth to the rumor. I did not come up with this title. I kind of wish I did though.

@ass_deans Anybody have a guess on this guy’s salary?

@OUResearch @UofOklahoma Could you have come up with a better title for “overpaid person who comes with stupid policies”

Congratulations to John M. Hanak, who has been named Chief Innovation and Corporate Officer and Executive Director of the new Office of Innovation and Corporate Partnerships at @UofOklahoma. ➡️bit.ly/JHanak