castle eden

"I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until finally I became that person. Or he became me. Or we met at some point." Cary Grant gets it.

Fable: "an 8th grader puts together a powerpoint about the Great Gatsby but obviously did not read the Great Gatsby. Show me that powerpoint! ;)" This was actually pretty funny. Even the font choices are wonderful.

Although you’re extremely attractive and I’d love to have sex I don’t think we’re soulmates and it would thus be irresponsible for me to entangle our spirits. Hope you understand

When you both don’t chase so you just never talk again

very struck by this tiktok where a divorce attorney said the best heterosexual relationship dynamic is “evil witch devoted henchman”

Bill Burr 🎯

horror movie lovers be like i love that movie it made me feel fucking awful and horrible and really scared

The unfocused mind will walk in circles and boast its step count.

“Goals are for people who care about winning once. Systems are for people who care about winning repeatedly.” — James Clear

do u think women realize that men basically don't experience clogged drains when single

C.S. Lewis' guide to finding your "real" self

“can i start you off with an appetizer, maybe 30 tortillas?” “god no, i can’t eat that many tortillas!” “how about if cut them up into triangles, fry them in seed oil, & serve them with some salsa?” “omg that sounds delightful”.

Mathematics is a science of transforming objects you’re working with until the answer to the question you’re trying to answer becomes trivial

O ChatGPT em 2050 procurando o cara que pediu pra ele avaliar a foto do cacete:

honey, is everything okay... you've barely touched your fettujeanie alfredo

you’re not autistic you just work from home and it’s making you weird