DUNCAN PACE

@kevin_nealon Rope-a-dope

Got a name for my comedy tour? Add it in the comments. I’ll pick one and make it official.

@NextUpHalperin ↗️ Nextroverts ❕ @MarkHalperin @2waytvapp

IT’S FINALLY HEREEEEEEEEE 😍😍😍 Check out the official music video for Perfect For Me NOW!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAYY 🥹💌😊 youtu.be/-rpdll_aoj4?si…

@merrydevo Everyone, no matter how pious cuts their own corners & bites some bagels. But As for Doctors, there’s no nutritional course requirement or even offered at the vast majority of Med schools. Docs aren’t usually “at home tending to kids” people, they treat end results & write scrips

ultra processed foods arent good for us and corporations are evil and make food addictive. That being said, all of the people I know who are obsessed with clean ingredients and cooking all their kids’ food are not doctors, and all the doctors I know feed their kids slop like I do

Happy New Year! Some MATH for 2025: 1. 2025 itself is a PERFECT square: 45² = 2025 2. It is a product of two squares, namely: 9² × 5² = 2025 3. It is the sum of THREE squares, namely: 40² + 20² + 5² = 2025 4. The last perfect square? 1936 44² = Year 1936 5. It is the sum of the cubes of all the digits from 1 to 9: 1³ + 2³ + 3³ + 4³ + 5³ + 6³ + 7³ + 8³ + 9³ = 2025 6. It is also the squared sum of all the numbers from 1 to 9: (1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9)²=2025 The year 2025 is MATHEMATICALLY remarkable. Let's hope it is also remarkable on the human level! Health, happiness, prosperity and peace for all! 😀🎉

Happy New Year❗️Let creativity abound —>

@mywifeborat they must split all the stress

All identical twins got very relaxed faces

@endlessjoe probably one of his kids

Didn’t let a guy merge in traffic because he looked a little bit like Elon Musk

@ScottThompson_ Oral & Farty

CAPTION THIS. We will choose the best caption and the WINNER gets our laughter. FOR FREE!!

@dad_astrologer We need them both ! Chalamet should’ve played Donovan instead !

@LeonBlanda U2 still playing

I just had a vision of the Sphere in Vegas, many years after the fall of civilization, worn dull by sand storms. Creatures, the ones that survived, have made a putrid nest inside. At night, everything is black, and cold. Electric light is a myth from a bygone era.

We have never been more excited about a tour in our LIVES🤩🤩🤩 YALL!!! We are bringing the Hartfelt Family Christmas Tour to a CITY NEAR YOU🎁🎄🥳🤩 If you have friends or family in the areas listed , send them our way and tell them to come see us 😁

@Treetart Met (& performed) w Sasheer Zamata & she was SUCH a good standup & very funny person off-stage. I’m really glad she got this show.

@animatedGeoff This is perfect dream dialogue/logic

*getting blood drawn* Lab Tech: “this looks weird” *pours it on her hands* “You’ve got goop. I’ve seen this before. You’ve got goop. Maybe a little gunk too. Goop and gunk. Doctor’s gonna be mad”

@IsaacKozell @algadreuh Thanks Isaac, I was watching this freaking out

@algadreuh Some of these clips aren't from Milton and aren't from Florida. The bouncy house flying happened a month ago in Arizona. This storm is going to be bad enough without spreading false info

Hurricane #Milton begins to cover Florida - video from the Network People were warned that there is almost no time left for evacuation. The state has declared a state of emergency. #hurricanemilton2024 #hurricane #hurricanemilton #florida #milton #tropicalstorm #Milton2024

@merrydevo Actually, with the same preface as your tweet, you & Geoff should do it together live - alternating back & forth & interjecting w any context or tangents as you think of them.

@merrydevo glad you’re documenting! I would easily watch a whole set of these (his rhythm is perfect 🤷🏻‍♂️) After you get 60 of them, commit to doing a whole set live - I guarantee it kills

Our son doesn’t get jokes yet but he’s beginning to write them. I said I’d document them. “Why did the alligator come to New Orleans?” “To hit cars”

@dad_astrologer I have so many essentially unvoicable complaints. I would’ve LOVED to have even liked the preview a little, but I don’t It’s actually important that Bob Dylan looks like a ratty pinched swan/boot, and backflipped into everyone’s consciousness. This plasters over his magic. Boo

👏WHY👏DO👏WE👏CALL👏TINY👏BAGS👏"BAGGIES"👏BUT👏TINY👏BOXES👏AREN'T👏CALLED👏"BOXIES"👏THAT’S👏SOME👏BULLSHIT👏CALL👏THEM👏"BOXIES"👏IMMEDIATELY👏NO👏JUSTICE👏NO👏PEACE👏AND👏WHATNOT!👏

@animatedGeoff I scrolled back to favorite

Pete Rose died today? What were the odds of that?