CHAD FLENDERMAN

@fesshole How dairy act so childish in the workplace?

The sales guy at my work, a man in his 50s, calls milk "moo juice". I've just recommended him for redundancy based solely on this fact.

Sosig Suprise by Gary H

@sportbible It came from KSI, who has bought the club days ago. It's right there in your tweet.

🚨 WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?! 🚨 KSI has sacked his manager days after buying the club and put a shock name in charge 🤯

@PArmagh0224 If Armagh were involved there'd have been more eye gouging tbf

5 game suspension for all Armagh players off the back of this

@iamtomskinner Mr Skinner, someone in your men's walking group keeps defecating on the public paths. A few weeks ago my nan trod in some, slipped and got caked in faeces. Why won't you apologise to her?

Had the most amazing day today and went to Fort Darnet. Was great to learn the history about these amazing forts. Video will be coming out soon. Bosh❤️

Jack's last words as he slipped below the icy waves.

@Zafarcakes Delivering the news via the medium of Sean Bean playing a soldier in the Napoleonic wars is the sort of class we expect from ITV4 +1. You simply don't get that with any other broadcaster. Apart from ITV4.

No Trump is doing well but Netanyahu died horribly I'm sorry to say. Check ITV 4+1

@KarlBrophy @landoseras Not much going on between your ears either.

@landoseras Not much going on in Switzerland

Was supposed to wake up on approach to Dubai.

I have him blocked on here, but seeing as the ball of rage keeps on about "that time I bought you and your husband dinner", as if it's something I should be grateful for, here's the sorry story...

@GOC1978 @seagullsafterya @pyjamas_black I'm told she is part-owner of Killarney kebab, who have usurped him as the darlings of the local food scene. Simple jealousy seems to be the motive unfortunately.

@seagullsafterya @pyjamas_black What's his issue with her?

Jessie Buckle has triumphed and all of Killarney is delighted...all of Killarney bar one man, a swissman with a chip on his shoulder and a bald head. One hopes his refusal to support Jessie is remembered by the town each winter when the tourists are gone and his hand is out.

@fesshole This is interesting, because he told me you had a 50 inch Bush...

@fesshole Forget-me-balloon-knot

Girlfriend and I got wasted and spent the night engaging in anilingus with a friend. Swore to each other we'd never mention again. Only problem, neither of us remember who the friend was.

@CahairOKane1 This is a common fallacy that affects soccer too. You only have to listen to the average ex-player pundit to realise so many of them actually have no idea about the game they were so good at playing.

Column: The majority of inter-county referees didn’t play football into adulthood. It’s generally the ones who did that understand the contact best. There is an opportunity to attract past and even current players now that needs to be taken irishnews.com/gaa/gaelic-foo…

@fesshole Should have gone to Spunksavers

During my latest wanking session I decided to try and cum in my mouth by raising my my legs and body over my head. Resulted in cum in my eye and two weeks off work with a strained back. I'm 45 and probably should know better. 10 out of 10 will be trying again.

My boyfriend used to set the volume on our TV and radio to odd numbers like 23. He didn't think there was anything wrong with this, so I dumped him. Plus, he had a tiny cock.

@BillyBo66878855 @theadelites That's some nice self-awareness - I would boo you too.

@flendermanc @theadelites People find the islamification of English traditions very disquieting and intrusive. I would boo myself. We've had muslims calls to prayer in grounds and even Cathedrals! Why? Who is lobbying for this? Muslims already have complete freedom of religion in the UK.

When the break for Ramadan was apparently booed by #LUFC fans during their game against Man City last Saturday evening - there were some very prominent voices who were asserting that, essentially, Leeds’ fans were all racist. When a few people tried to explain that the booing was not necessarily about Ramadan; and was likely due to: Pep’s tactical team talks, the lack of communication about why the game was stopped, the lack of visibility of the messaging on the board etc - Leeds fans were accused of making excuses. There was a break for Ramadan in the game today. Of the thousands of people standing around me there were perhaps a handful who tried to boo and quietened when there was no one joining in. Instead Leeds fans were singing: “We are the champions, Champions of Europe” - a song sung regularly since the 1975 European Cup Final injustice in Paris. I don’t imagine there will be many - or any - prominent voices that will now correct the narrative. It is much more interesting for some people to call fans of a club they (presumably) hate - racist, than it is to listen, and to express nuance - characteristics incidentally, which can cure people of racist ideologies. #LUFC and the city of Leeds has a proud history of anti-racism. 30,000 Leeds residents met Oswald Mosley on Holbeck Moor and kicked the British Union of Fascists out of the city in the 1930s. When Albert Johannasson was verbally abused by opponents in the 1960s, Billy Bremner would take retribution with his studs by very literally kicking racism out of football. And in the 1980s the National Front were expelled from Elland Road by a campaign led by #LUFC fan groups and fanzines. Leeds United does not have a racist fan base, there are racists everywhere. But it certainly is popular to call them so, while ignoring the nuance, circumstances and history.