🎮

sure i guess sex is okay but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper

them in the corner with their communal dunce hat is SO GOOD hahahahaha. Probably happens after every note, honestly. Also, I love the audacity of not understanding a language and thinking you can just decide to use the more-difficult-to-undetrsand concept of acronyms instead

I started a stopwatch to see how long I could focus. I forgot the stopwatch was running. I have been "focusing" for three weeks. Yes I have ADHD

How do hotels even check who’s allowed at the free breakfast buffet?

so my uncle decided to get into sourdough baking during a slow period and that was fine, that was reasonable, many people did that, the problem arrived six months later at christmas when he gave every family member a sourdough starter as a gift and presented each one in an individual jar with a hand-typed care sheet that was four pages long and laminated. my grandma said "raymond what is this" and he said "that's steve." she said "who is steve" and he said "your starter, they need names for accountability." he had named every starter. mine was called gerald. my cousin's was margaret. my aunt's was, bafflingly, senator. the care sheets included a feeding schedule, a temperature log with ideal ranges highlighted in yellow, and a section titled "emotional support: what to say to your starter when growth is slow." my dad turned to page three of the care sheet and read "day four affirmations" out loud and the room went silent. my grandma said "raymond I'm not talking to bread." he said "it's not bread yet helen, that's the whole point." three people left that christmas having promised to maintain a living organism they hadn't asked for. my grandma killed steve within a week and didn't tell my uncle for four months. made her own bread the whole time. bought it from a bakery. left the empty jar on the shelf. my uncle noticed in april. she said "steve moved on." he gave her a new starter at easter. she named it steve two. it's still alive. nobody is more surprised than she is.

Every stoners nightmare 😂😂

I’m so confused by houses with no pets. Where’s the house gremlin? Where’s the mascot?

You can not manipulate someone who isn’t desperate to be liked.

Waking up from sleep In the morning and realizing you’re with your bitch is the best feeling ever 😋😇

Fall in love with someone who chooses you every day. Someone who waits for you, understands you even in your chaos, stands beside you when life gets messy, and offers comfort instead of confusion. Someone who supports your growth, becomes your safe place, and stays to talk things through after an argument instead of walking away.

Get money. Hit the gym. Stay fly, and stay out the way.

weed is not a gateway drug. you were gonna smoke that crack, regardless. don't blame it on weed

Does anyone here with ADHD... catch feelings for someone... and suddenly your brain turns them into your entire universe?

yesterday my roommate got mad at me because i saw him eating kit-kats and said "oh, so you're a little kit-kat boy, are you?" and then i had a dream about him killing me

Lost my cat for an entire day. Turns out he was in my closet… taking a PERSONAL DAY. Comes out at 10pm looking refreshed like, “Wow, YOU look stressed.” 😹

social media seems way more interesting when you have an exam tomorrow.

Me and my homie still arguing bout how we got here, after hitting the bong 5 minutes ago😂

that one friend who still doesnt have a driving license

We gotta stop ignoring the signs of knowing when somebody time is up in our life.

I ran a small tailor shop for twenty-eight years, mostly hemming pants and fixing zippers for regulars who trusted nobody else with their favorite clothing. One October afternoon a young man brought in his grandfather's old army jacket, asking me to resize it despite obvious moth damage throughout the fabric. Him: Can you fix this jacket? Me: It's in rough shape, honestly. Him: I know. I still need it fixed. Me: Whose jacket is this originally? Him: My grandfather's. He wore it during the war. Me: Is he still with us? Him: He passed last spring. Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Him: I want to wear it to my wedding next month. Me: This jacket, to your wedding? Him: He couldn't be there in person. This feels close enough. Me: That's a beautiful way to include him. Him: Can it even be saved, structurally? Me: I can patch most of the damage carefully. Him: Will it look obviously repaired? Me: A little, honestly. But that might be fitting somehow. Him: What do you mean? Me: Some things shouldn't look perfect. They should look lived in. Him: I like that way of thinking about it. Me: This jacket has a story. The repairs become part of it. Him: Thank you for understanding what I'm asking for. Me: Thank you for trusting me with something this meaningful. I spent three full days repairing that jacket, patching moth holes with fabric close enough to match but never quite hiding the history underneath. He wore it down the aisle exactly as promised, his grandfather's medals still pinned crookedly to the collar. Some clothing isn't meant to look new again. It's meant to carry every year it survived.