Jacob Collins

It’s my daughter’s birthday and I just wanted to say that all of this is true. You should have kids. It’s a beautiful mess.

Before google maps you just had a buddy in another car who said “follow me” then proceeded to run a late yellow at the next intersection.

@Brindleboxers Got the full LaMelo experience in just around 40 seconds.

Made up for it!! That was fun

@Verts Well, maybe not lol

@jacobcollins34 Oh my god.

Trump's commitment to raising gas prices is unparalleled

The dumbest person you know is being told 'you are absolutely right' by some LLM right now.

Otega Oweh is the first player since Larry Bird in 1979 to record 35 points, eight rebounds and seven assists in an NCAA Tournament game, according to CBS Sports research.

@KySportsRadio do know which bench UK will be on tomorrow?

This is the pinnacle of all sports plays: - Coach grinded for years, worked for peanuts before getting his shot. Infinite swag. "I win, Google me." - Losingest team in CFB history. Now 15-0 and playing for a natty. Biggest turnaround ever. - QB grew up in Miami. Tried to walk on but they passed. Same team that roughed him up last year. Time for revenge. - 4th Down. Game on the line. QB draw. The unlikeliest of Heisman winners rushes past the first down marker, gets hit, uses god or whatever to stay up, diving touchdown, clearly in, no replay. Crowd explodes. - Cut to his parents in the stands. Mother with MS in a wheelchair going nuts. Father stays seated the entire game to comfort her. One arm with a fist in the air, one arm around his wife. - Coach asked what he's going to do after winning the national championship: "I'm gonna have a beer." Mic drop. This is a simulation with all attributes turned up to max.

@rodger 10/10 joke. No notes.

He grates like a quarter block of cheese in maybe 5 seconds. Generational talent. The Grate One

Read. Read everything. Books, magazines, articles, newspapers, etc. It’ll do wonders for your reading comprehension, your ability to process information, and your ability to have meaningful conversations with people. Also, limit how much you’re on your phone. It’s a wasteland.

Kiffin's widely vilified decision is producing the kind of column writing that the moment requires. DeCourcy's final line two sentences are flattening.

CHAOS REIGNNNNNSSSSSSS

This is maybe the funniest tweet I’ve ever seen.

The single biggest piece of evidence Atheists have going for them

When we were a proper nation:

It’s an abomination that they waited to scratch these guys less than an hour before game time.

Do I have to think of EVERYTHING