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I was raised Christian. I remember going to Sunday school, going to AWANA, etc. For a short period I believed a bit pretty much from the time I was able to understand the concept of God until I was able to understand the concepts of higher sciences. Things like evolution, space exploration and too many deaths of pets and family pushed me away from Christ. I still remember writing Jesus a letter when I was maybe 7 or 8 asking him to bring my poor Chihuahua, Marmaduke, back, and leaving the letter in my Bible like I was sending it off to Santa and he could read it if I just slipped it inside his book.
Precious things we do as children, I havent thought about that memory until very recently.
I was your stereotypical atheist teenager and later twenty something that would argue over how terrible the church had been for mankind and how foolish believers were.
Idk why Im typing all this out, I suppose I needed to get it off my chest and I have yet to find a church and pastor to talk to about it. I suppose I should start looking, would probably help.
When people say they find God I always imagined you had to be looking for him, or in a position of great need and it was the last thing to fall back onto. I was constantly exposed to less intelligent believers, so I began to think all believers to be unintelligent, or at least unable to grasp what I had to shake me from my belief.
The past year or so ive been looking a bit deeper, mainly out of curiosity, fully expecting to remain the diehard skeptic I had become over the years. I had read many different religious texts from many different religions in my early twenties and always assumed that we were simply filling in blanks we didnt know. I read them to pick them apart rather than understand. I fell for the big narcissistic questions most humans ask of religion; why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? These answers come not from self reflection. That wisdom had to be bestowed upon me, by either time or on high.
It brings me great joy, dread, guilt, relief, anger, stillness, but most of all love and gratitude to say that I was recently visited by none other than what I can explain was Jesus himself. He came to me in a dream and I tell you it shook me to my very core.
You know the oxytocin and dopamine hit you get when you hug your dog or your spouse? (Or even better the dog/wife combo) Multiply that by a hundred. A thousand. More than you can imagine.
Jesus loves me. He loves you. He loves all of us, and the amount of love he has for all of us is boundless.
I hope whoever reads this finds hope in it for you too. He is real, he is risen.
Some people find God. I believe I can honestly say He found me, and I am forever grateful.
Christ is Lord. Amen.
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