@ndiquote

Relationship status : Taken (for granted)

Freezers should play sad music when you're out of ice cream.

No matter how good your intentions are, no matter how much they mean to you. As you get older you realize that sometimes you don’t mean to people what they mean to you, and that is okay

This is a bad time to be in touch with reality.

If the conversation involves sarcasm and twisted humour, I'm in.

be careful who you hang with

Grace is one of the most classic things to fall from

Perks of dating me: you're gonna laugh with me or at me.

What happens when a microscope crashes into a telescope? They kaleidoscope.

Crude oil is like regular oil, except it just doesn’t have anything nice to say.

They're adding a dislike button? Great. I'll finally go viral.

If you sarcastically answer to a sarcastic question, are they mutually neutralised

It’s all fun and games until consequences come a-knockin’.

The older I get the less productive I want to be.

Trump asked Germany for help. They asked him what 5 plus 4 is. He said 9. The Germans said exactly.

Emails should at least have to count to 100 before trying to find you

Social media should have stopped at MySpace

I mean this in the nicest way possible: i hate it when you talk

Waved at someone who wasn’t waving at me again. So we can add that to the list.

My brain: Everything is going to be okay My Nervous System: Okay, but hear me out, what if we panicked anyway

And for my next trick I’m going to forget someone’s name right after they tell me.