smerobin

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smerobin

smerobin

@smerobin

I'm not sure how I got here but I'm pretty sure I carried a watermelon.

Canada Katılım Kasım 2018
1.4K Takip Edilen5.8K Takipçiler
Sabitlenmiş Tweet
smerobin
smerobin@smerobin·
My husband just bought ice cream with raisins. So, that was a fun marriage.
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Seth Vargas
Seth Vargas@ohsethy·
Eating a second cookie because I ate the first one absentmindedly and I didn’t appreciate it enough
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Wilde Thingy
Wilde Thingy@wildethingy·
In retrospect having my armpits surgically removed has caused more problems than it's solved.
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Janel Comeau 🍁
Janel Comeau 🍁@VeryBadLlama·
American politicians talking about life in Canada: Every day Canadians wake up amidst the rubble of their ruined cities. Pressed beneath the thumb of authoritarianism, they cry out for American liberation. Canadians living life in Canada: roll up da rim 2 win :)
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Vinod Chhaproo
Vinod Chhaproo@Chhapiness·
The way my mom slapped the TV remote not only did it start working it gave up its dreams and is studying to become an engineer
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Sweet Momissa
Sweet Momissa@sweetmomissa·
First date idea: see how they fold towels
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Daddy Go Fish
Daddy Go Fish@daddygofish·
me: a dozen is 12, but a baker’s dozen is 13. 11yo: that makes sense because there’s a kid in my class named Baker who’s bad at math.
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Wilde Thingy
Wilde Thingy@wildethingy·
How the fuck do I stop Microsoft keep uploading all my evil plans into the cloud?
Benito Juárez, Quintana Roo 🇲🇽 English
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KoKeni Snap'sSquatch
KoKeni Snap'sSquatch@KoKeniSaskqatch·
So apparently if someone says the floor is lava and you choose to dive in head first, YOU'RE the weirdo.
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Jay
Jay@Jay1972Jay·
a history of violins
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Jay
Jay@Jay1972Jay·
crotch-less power tools
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Jay
Jay@Jay1972Jay·
Hi. I’m Jay1972Jay. And I’m already prepared for your inevitable unfollow.
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Jessey Electric Slut Ukulele Sterling
What if we fall in love? But... your parents think I'm too good for you? Is it really worth that risk?
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Darla
Darla@ddsmidt·
I have confidently made so many bad decisions, of course I can give you some advice.
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your other mom
your other mom@difficultpatty·
State of Your Mom
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meghan
meghan@deloisivete·
Explaining to my ancestors that I'm grumpy because I'm exchanging instantaneous messages with a friend who lives 2000 miles away, but it's making my computer freeze, which is slowing down my online shopping
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Bad Mikey
Bad Mikey@BadMikeyBad·
Y’all keep talking about flying cars like most folks aren’t bad enough with 4 tires on the ground
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Joe Pontillo
Joe Pontillo@JoePontillo·
Blowing the bank employee's mind by telling them that I'm there to do some banking when they ask what's my business here.
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Ron Iver
Ron Iver@ronnui_·
Everyone always asks "should I eat the cheese rind, what do I do" and I'm here to wrap up the mystery. YES you can eat the rind. Except (and this is important) for the ones that you can't. Below is a list of cheeses where you CAN eat the rind: -not sure - I hope this helps!
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Dadman Walking
Dadman Walking@dadmann_walking·
grandma: this year we celebrate 68 years grandpa: it feels like a thousand
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