smerobin

My husband just bought ice cream with raisins. So, that was a fun marriage.

Eating a second cookie because I ate the first one absentmindedly and I didn’t appreciate it enough

In retrospect having my armpits surgically removed has caused more problems than it's solved.

I'd enjoy a shower more if I had backup singers.

American politicians talking about life in Canada: Every day Canadians wake up amidst the rubble of their ruined cities. Pressed beneath the thumb of authoritarianism, they cry out for American liberation. Canadians living life in Canada: roll up da rim 2 win :)

The way my mom slapped the TV remote not only did it start working it gave up its dreams and is studying to become an engineer

First date idea: see how they fold towels

me: a dozen is 12, but a baker’s dozen is 13. 11yo: that makes sense because there’s a kid in my class named Baker who’s bad at math.

How the fuck do I stop Microsoft keep uploading all my evil plans into the cloud?

So apparently if someone says the floor is lava and you choose to dive in head first, YOU'RE the weirdo.

a history of violins

crotch-less power tools

Hi. I’m Jay1972Jay. And I’m already prepared for your inevitable unfollow.

What if we fall in love? But... your parents think I'm too good for you? Is it really worth that risk?

I have confidently made so many bad decisions, of course I can give you some advice.

State of Your Mom

Explaining to my ancestors that I'm grumpy because I'm exchanging instantaneous messages with a friend who lives 2000 miles away, but it's making my computer freeze, which is slowing down my online shopping

Y’all keep talking about flying cars like most folks aren’t bad enough with 4 tires on the ground

Blowing the bank employee's mind by telling them that I'm there to do some banking when they ask what's my business here.

Everyone always asks "should I eat the cheese rind, what do I do" and I'm here to wrap up the mystery. YES you can eat the rind. Except (and this is important) for the ones that you can't. Below is a list of cheeses where you CAN eat the rind: -not sure - I hope this helps!

grandma: this year we celebrate 68 years grandpa: it feels like a thousand