nicki dee

@ProcterGamble first time I bought this shit And you can’t even fill the container? I literally opened it to this… Cheap asses

The United States postal service is a joke. They charge you insurance incase they can’t do their job. @USPS

@elonmusk why are 80 percent of my notifications you? I don’t even follow you.

girls are perverts when they like you

My check engine light has been on since my 16th birthday.

A healthy and nutritious cigarette is that too much to ask

Most of the things that you say when you're drunk . . . I say when I'm sober.

I use a gas can as a watering can to confuse my neighbours

Not to brag but I woke up this morning without any mystery pains. Don’t be jealous.

never fucking settle.

notice how happy you get when you literally just do you.

As the saying goes, be careful what you wish, as you might get it

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

I know they didn’t ask for it, but l sent in a stool sample in with my tax return. 🤪

DMV: Did you bring your fourth grade report card?

Every time I speak of the haters and losers I do so with great love and affection. They cannot help the fact that they were born fucked up!

Had I known Twitter was so fucking weird and filled with psychos, I would have joined way sooner.

Men don’t understand nothing they do wrong until you do it back to them.

if you see me, no you didn’t.

HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD