Random Gamerboi

repeat after me

Little green space aliens have invaded my apartment and are asserting dominance over me by reading all the books that I've collected but haven't read then shrugging their shoulders indifferently. What cruelty

@plasticbagger @AlexaRuthless slow down, McCarthy

@AlexaRuthless name names

I know who it is but I’m not sayin’.

@asdkfjasdlfjd love how you have become the most optimistic poster on twitter dot com 🌈

For Christmas I got the invasion of Venezuela and it's looking like for my birthday I'll be getting a ground war with Iran

(speed dating at the aquarium) Him: look at these fuckass penguins lol Me: next Next guy: what's up with the penguins today Me: ok next Next guy: (large scar on face) no time to explain. I am you from a future where Earth got ravaged by carnivorous penguins and Me: ugh next

When I was on my flight I looked to see what the lady two rows up was watching on her screen and it was home videos of me from when I was a child

@plasticbagger "It's never enough. I rescue the world from slavery"

@GamerboiRandom not enough

you only need to write 4 stories per year

@stinky_face_ @SweatieAngle they are too good for the general audience

@SweatieAngle Why do these tweets of yours never get any interaction

This is Quarl our abhorrent porcine ratboi we’ve placed him in a key gatekeeper role within this organization

@PtDiggy50932 @romloops @afraidofwasps we measure in millennia, not years

@romloops @afraidofwasps Yes, and I prefer that outcome, because that means that in a few million years the clothes will be buried in sediment and compressed into oil🤑🤑🤑

I don't think moths should eat our clothes. We made your God... stop eating my clothes

maybe the president is right, reality is fake, and it truly can only good happen

building mega churches and the finest parking garages with American steel

Uh oh. They just announced Mr. Bean will be in charge of loading all of the weapons for the ground troops invading Iran

@asdkfjasdlfjd it's because of the hops 🤓

I'll sleep better with a couple beers

Fun Fact: the CEO of Bed, Bath and Beyond committed suicide by jumping off the penthouse floor.

oh you think it’s soo funny that sora shit the bed and openai is going down the toilet, huh, well remember there are ppl that are sad about it and that’s funny too

(sweating, trying to sleep) one more tweet

@on_da_spectrum finally surreal again. Got your mojo back?

{showing phone to gf, picture of gecko} This is u? Tiny? Big eyes? 🥺 gf: Aww you’re so sweet ❤️ ily […] {2:30 am, waking up, other side of bed empty} Baby? Having trouble sleeping? gf, doing pushups on the ceiling, eyes blinking sideways, tongue tasting the air: tssik

@plasticbagger theyll recut the movie as a horror film

@GamerboiRandom no im playing him in an a24 biopic

practicing my vincent gallo impression in the gym sauna