NotSoMadHatter

Once again, for the Neanderthals, in the back row: Her posting her body, on here? That's for her. Not you. Her DMing her body to you? THAT'S for you. Now, here's Wonderwall…

Sorry, can't right now. Having a drunk game of Truth or Dare with myself, in DMs.

Fine! I'll look at your nudes, but I won't enjoy it!

A toast! Without them, breasts would be pointless.

Confidence is sexy, but overconfidence is not

Cleaning the guest bathroom and a huge spider fell into the tub so it’s time to burn the house down.

Wondering what the first person to use the phrase 'the shit hit the fan' was going through

You’re in his DMs, I’m in his head.

10 minutes on twitter and you can see why God drowned everyone on Earth once.

You didn't get any engagement because the algorithm makes all our posts fight a raccoon behind a gas station dumpster and only the survivors get to be seen.

Yeah sex is great and all but have you ever had a sneezing fit while brushing your teeth? Fun stuff you should try it

Just deleted 18,179 emails, so yeah, I got my shit together.

Maybe i don't care what the neighbors say

Is it really love or is it indigestion?

I'm not bored I'm just busy doing nothing . . . so busy in fact that it has made me tired and I'm going to take a nap now.

Someday the command will come: Gird your loins! I'll be ready. Will you?

and for the lady, perhaps a man who calms down her storms

i'm boring as fuck because all i do is make money at work then come home to my sanctuary