MattOFP

@Oceanbreeze473 Ask for a left handed hammer but be nice about it. Count in your head the time spent looking it up on his device. It never gets old. You may even make a friend at the store.

After 20 minutes of being ignored, it's amazing how fast Lowe's employees show up when you try to start a chainsaw.

@planert41 Yes, but take shifts with your wife. This will require you to force (gently) her upstairs and close the door while you handle the children. It will get reciprocated. But you have to be the bad guy & run the factory for a while to ensure rest and peace for everyone in the house

Dads with young kids Is it normal to just feel tired and burnt out all the time? It’s like you don’t even really get the weekend to recover because it’s all just kid stuff the moment you wake up Arguably the only personal time you have is when they nap (and you’re already dead tired by that time) or the hour after they go to bed but before you pass out Just trying to figure out if I’m doing something wrong

@BowTiedTrance I use it every day. It's a dead giveaway but miraculously I'm never misheard on the phone. Magic. Whisky is the best one, by the way.

Years ago, I memorized the NATO Phonetic Alphabet because I thought it was the most accurate. Over the phone, even if you're trying to say something like, "N as in 'Night'," it can still be misheard as, "M as in 'Might,'" you know? So I just went with the standard NATO template. I got off the phone this morning with a guy at a business where I needed to give him my email address, so I'm doing the thing, "... Alpha ... Kilo ..." etc. He says, "What branch of the service were you in?" Apparently "no one ever says 'kilo,' that's a dead giveaway." 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

@kristenmag A restaurant making an effort and consistently producing favorable results deserves your loyalty.

My husband and I go to happy hour at a local restaurant a couple of times a month. Food is good, cozy enough place…it’s our little date. We’ve gotten to know the waitress by name, and it’s always a pleasure to chat with her. Last night she brought over my glass of the house red and we started discussing the new seasonal wines on the menu. She got a sparkle in her eye and said, ‘Hang on a sec. I’ll be right back.’ She returned with a complimentary flight sample of all three wines for me to taste! So fun and unexpected. And one turned out to be surprisingly good. Anyway, it’s good to get out there and support your local restaurants. And you know…a little friendliness and a nice tip is a win for everyone.

@steve2bacon Nice. I culled 9.5% today on my little guy account.

@OfpMatt 🤝🤝

“was there news??” who gives a fuck look at the price

@pr0ud_americans She's not ready for the Show. That was an ill advised call up.

Phillies minor league bat dog Lucy May’s debut went viral after she ignored her duties, ran through the dugout, and pooped near second base. Despite the chaos, the team confirmed she’s keeping her job.🤣

@WayBudo Getting assigned mining duties with a checklist of materials in Minecraft by my ten year old project manager is something I hope to never give up.

I would trade a hundred lifetimes of playing videogames for a single afternoon at the park with my son I say that as someone who does play videogames

@JakubCikhart @IT_unhinged What does CZ mean?

@IT_unhinged yeah, you need to train them a bit. in CZ they expect "impossible done right now, miracles in 3 days"....

"Hey Derek, my laptop screen just shattered," said the new graphic designer, hovering by my cubicle. I stared at him until he slowly backed away and submitted a ticket. He properly classified it under Hardware Failure. He attached photos. He provided the asset tag. It was a flawless ticket. I had a replacement device sitting in the drawer right next to my knee. I could've handed it to him right then and there. Instead, I set the ticket status to 'Awaiting Vendor Procurement' and made him sit at his empty desk for three days. Why? Because if you give them a replacement instantly, they expect instant service forever. You have to train the users to respect the queue.

@Hero_OfThe_Day Why is he wearing glasses? We all know he's illiterate.

The Lakers are 1-2 since Luka Doncic and Austin Reaves have been out with injuries. So since the media is in a frenzy over LeBron James, let’s take a look at those games: - Loss vs Dallas: The Mavs are tanking. The organization is actively trying to lose, and they beat the Lakers (LeBron stat-padded) - Loss vs OKC: LeBron ducked OKC, continuing his trend this season of playing lottery teams, then sitting out against top defenses. Win vs Golden State: Golden State had no incentive to win. They’re literally locked into the 10th seed. LeBron stat-padded. For the Lakers, seeding matters if they want home court. So the only game that LeBron needed to play, he sat out. Now tonight we play Phoenix, another team that doesn’t need to win, locked into the 7th seed, who will be playing half speed. So excuse me if I’m not impressed with LeBron James stat padding against G-League players. Show up when it matters.

@Rockies "Let us show you to run a franchise, you clowns."

We’ve added Greg and Carrie Penner as minority owners through an investment from Penner Sports Group, the family entity that holds their stake in the Denver Broncos.

@MatthewNichol5 I've been to four game. It's not for me. It's not for most dads. But my kids like it and its made them interested in proper baseball. Also, we can mock the Rockies together now instead of them having to listen to their father scream at the radio.

This is not baseball.

@MBlythe21 @UmpireAuditor

@UmpireAuditor Gotta bump those numbers up.

Umpire Nic Lentz missed 20 calls in the Padres Rockies extra innings game including 7 in the 8th inning or later. Of the 20 missed calls, 7 were overturned.

@JomboyMedia What does the catcher say on calls/challenges like this? He wants the ump's favor, sure, but is he calling the ump names in his head? It must be so frustrating.

Padres overturn a pitch that was almost right down the middle

@bradthompsontx @BBGreatMoments I like a relegation system like soccer in Europe. Great call.

@BBGreatMoments Every year MLB should dismiss or demote the lowest ranked ump and allow someone to come up from AAA. They have the data. They just don't have the stones.

So glad we NEVER have to see Angel Hernandez ump a game again.

@Hero_OfThe_Day LeFlop.

If you stopped watching the NBA or no longer watch as much as you once did— Tell me why!! Be honest. I’m trying to see something.

@robbiehendricks You're tipping a guy on his service that he owns the entirety of? I don't understand. It's cool that he provides tremendous value, though.

Once or twice a year, I have a young guy come clean my car. Comes to my house directly. Basically restores the vehicle to brand new condition. Cost is about $350 after tip, but it’s worth it. Showroom condition. He does two cars a day. So many referrals he can’t handle all the volume. Takes weekends off. 6 weeks off a year. $700/day. $3500/wk. $161,000/year. Not a bad gig. (If you’re in Cincinnati, I’ll get you his contact. Great guy.)

@eigzackly @aakashgupta She had the critical job of verifying the credit card application.

@aakashgupta I still remember those two at the pool explain what a PM job was 😅

These videos were the single most expensive flex in labor history. Tech workers had the best negotiating position of any white-collar workforce in 50 years. Remote work, $250K+ comp, four-day work weeks, unlimited PTO. The only thing keeping that deal alive was ambiguity. Nobody outside tech knew exactly what the day looked like. Then thousands of people filmed it and posted it to the one platform where non-tech people actually hang out. Every "day in my life as a Google PM" video that showed two hours of real work became ammunition for every CFO building a layoff deck. Every CEO trying to justify RTO got a free highlight reel. Every recruiter benchmarking comp against "market rate" suddenly had video evidence that the market was overpaying. The negotiating leverage depended on information asymmetry. The TikToks destroyed it voluntarily. For free. For likes.

@MaseDenver Wanting to win isn't actually winning , though, is it?

Rockies outfielder Troy Johnston, who went 3-for-5 in the team’s win tonight: "So, coming from the Miami Marlins, when I walk around Miami, I never saw a Miami Marlins jersey. I never saw a Miami Marlins hat. I saw nothing of the sort. When I'm walking around downtown Denver, they are really excited about the Rockies. They want the Rockies to be good. This is a sports town. We are trying to put a good product on the field. I think Paul (DePodesta's) done a great job of that. I have never seen so many supporters of one team that I've actually been a part of, that I've been on. This city and this team wants to win.”

@JonnyRoot_ Traveling and flopping: this is their brand.

The fact that a player can take 5 steps backwards & it’s not a travel, is another reason why sports fans don’t care for the NBA like they used to.