The Daily Show Couch

50.3K posts

The Daily Show Couch

@TDSCouch

Not good with sharp objects or children. Afraid of sharp children (They/Them)

The Shire Katılım Ağustos 2012

652 Takip Edilen1.2K Takipçiler

Sabitlenmiş Tweet

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·1 Şub

Daddy...

Jon Stewart@jonstewart

So...if I do really well on here I get to be President, yes?

English

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@DividendBreeder That makes no sense, you should only be responsible for the copay...

English

The Dividend Breeder@DividendBreeder·1d

My daughter recently had an ear infection. Took her to the doctor, who prescribed an antibiotic. That doctor visit cost $244. My insurance covered $60, so we owe $184 out of pocket. I pay $556/month for family health insurance. Something seems broken.

English

1.4K

13.8K

191.9K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@DaveHawkinsX @TheDailyHPotter Omg, read that in high school!

English

Dave Hawkins@DaveHawkinsX·22h

@TheDailyHPotter Sounds like the Chronicles of Tomas Covenant!

English

241

Daily Harry Potter@TheDailyHPotter·1d

This just broke all logic 🤯

English

270

4.4K

65K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@freakoutsideofx His son looks just like him!

English

Amunet@freakoutsideofx·2d

Warwick Davis at Windsor Castle with his son Harrison and daughter Annabelle 💙

English

195

147

4.9K

600.3K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@WillieHandler Yes

Jew in a Canoe ✡️🇨🇦 memoir now available!@WillieHandler·1d

Has it been that long?

Jew in a Canoe ✡️🇨🇦 memoir now available! tweet media

Toronto, Ontario 🇨🇦 English

140

1.7K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@AdamPollock Too many crème brûlées... I'm sorry, those words don't make sense in the same sentence together...

Français

Adam James Pollock@AdamPollock·1d

Accidentally made too many crèmes brûlées

Français

779

1.1K

28.6K

2.1M

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·22h

@WhiteHouse @DHSgov So, not a Temu fan then?

English

The White House@WhiteHouse·1d

"If you import the Third World, you become the Third World." - President Donald J. Trump

English

6.1K

11.1K

79.8K

2.7M

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·1d

WHERE THE HELL IS BABY JANE DOE AT???? #ThePITT @HBO

English

175

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·1d

@JohnBarrowman Does Melania get custody of Cory Lewandowski too? I was going to say he comes with the bed, but...ahh, what the hell... I'll say it...

English

John Barrowman MBE@JohnBarrowman·2d

I’m sure she will make good use of it on the tax payer dime!! #maga To Quote a Musical. ‘The real pussy wagon’

No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen@NoLieWithBTC

The Trump administration says they are keeping Kristi Noem’s $70 million jet, outfitted with a queen-sized bed and cocktail bar, for Melania Trump to use.

English

5.5K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·2d

Brilliant. Well played, @KITKAT, well played.

Dexerto@Dexerto

A KitKat truck with 'presidential-level' protection was spotted in Canada, surrounded by four black SUVs with red flags The stunt comes weeks after 12 tons of the bars were stolen

English

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·2d

@NYCEMSwatch

Daniel Wortel-London@dlondonwortel

The NYC department of records, to their eternal glory, has digitized hundreds of historic videos and audio recordings from @WNYC’s history since 1937. Anyone who is an NYC-phile needs to get into this STAT. nycrecords.access.preservica.com/archive/?pg=3

QAM

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·3d

@NoContextBrits That is disgusting. Gimme...

English

No Context Brits@NoContextBrits·3d

British cuisine. Best in the world.

English

400

1.4K

221.2K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·3d

@Number10cat @MissyBBBobtail Oooh... Larry should meet Gregory, they could be friends! @AJamesMcCarthy

English

184

Larry the Cat@Number10cat·3d

I knew I heard something

NASA@NASA

@alltooriah Tell your cat the Artemis II crew said pspsps

English

1.9K

29K

416.4K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·3d

@thecalibae Its a great ride

English

127

🔥 FIVE FIRES 🔥@thecalibae·4d

I want to ask all the Florida peeps - you guys think Monsters Unchained is just dominating capacity or not enough guest are visiting this attraction? It’s crazy to see such high wait times all throughout the park but Monsters Unchained at 10-15 minutes. Just asking to hear everyone’s thoughts

English

264

59.5K

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·4d

@mirthincarnate You need to switch hands...

English

tino@mirthincarnate·4d

Every year around Easter I get this weird wound in the middle of my hand and nobody can tell me what it is

English

3.3K

1.4K

86.5K

10.7M

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·4d

Thanks @Oreo I really do appreciate this...

English

The Daily Show Couch@TDSCouch·4d

@the_dadchef @Samsung makes fantastic electronics, phones, TV's, tablets... but their stoves are absolute trash. Microwave is adequate, but will never buy another stove. Knobs always break. Hate this stove.

English