Agent Smith

sitrep

@5149jamesli Your mom.

Many people don’t know this, but we pay a fee on every airplane ticket purchased that’s supposed to go directly to fund TSA. But 10 years ago, Congress passed bipartisan legislation that diverted the security fee revenue into a general “slush fund”. Everything is a scam. 😩

@tedcruz Why not capitalize "It"?

This Democrat shutdown is ridiculous. It NEEDS TO END.

@45Patriots Eat a dick.

I would seriously like to know what Democrat voters that work for @TSAgov @DHSgov @ and members of our great @USCG @USCGNortheast @USCGSoutheast @USCGNorthwest @uscgEast @USCGAux Feel about this shutdown? Do you agree with the Democrats? We don’t agree with them and want you all paid right away! Anyone that will cancel your pay and go on vacation AGAIN for 2 weeks does NOT deserve your vote!! They truly don’t care about you & your families and how you will survive!! God bless you & your families! 🙏🏻🇺🇸

@RogerJStoneJr Who is KrIsti Noem?

If KrIsti Noem accomplished nothing else as the secretary of DHS at least we no longer have to take off our shoes when going through TSA at the airport.

If we see one more "Abolish the TSA" tweet we're turning off the router in your mother's basement.

Here, Ted, let us get a big bucket of lube for that cross.

@NormiePuppet If by "data harvesting" you mean "OnlyFans," the answer is still no.

@TSAgov do we get a courtesy fluff before the scanned images are sent off for data harvesting?

BREAKING: #TSA releases new "Relax Chamber" where passengers can strip down and get scanned to the soothing sounds of water while enjoying spritzes of what we think smells like fresh meadows or slightly mildewed laundry -- all while fulfilling their patriotic duties.

It's a Tuesday. Air travel is down. We don't get credit for not drinking while we sleep. You don't get credit for this.

@AriFleischer Don't worry. We'll still find a way to slow you down. 😘

Just made it through TSA in Atlanta in two minutes. Barely any line at all. I hope I didn’t jinx it.

@BrendanKeefe Um, we have been reliably told that this is product of D.C. ingenuity. The same geniuses who bet the working class would continue to show up and work for free to make life easier for the Beltway class.

Lines are much shorter today at major airports with & without ICE agents. Why? It’s a Tuesday. The weekend saw a rush of spring break travelers during TSA sick outs. Mondays & Fridays are always busy. Not Tuesdays. Here’s my photo from LAX early this morning.

What if the TSA lines are shorter now not because ICE is actually doing anything meaningful at the airport, but because illegals are avoiding the airports now and we have a ton more illegals in this country than we were told?!

@peterpham we see you boo.

@ChrisMartzWX It's a dick measuring contest, so naturally we're the judge.

This TSA shit needs to get sorted out because I have a lot of travel ahead in the next couple weeks. At this point, I don’t really GAF which side in Congress concedes. This constant gridlock and making things a political bargain chip is a giant middle finger to Americans, and it is all the more reason most things need to be privatized.

@united So get in line now?

The entire row is alllllll yours. Welcome to United Relax Row, three adjacent United Economy seats with adjustable leg rests that can each be raised or lowered to create a cozy lie-flat space for stretching out... You'll also get a mattress pad, blanket and two pillows. If you’re traveling with kids, a plushie too! United Relax Row will be available starting next year on more than 200 of our 787s and 777s, each with up to 12 of these brand-new rows. united.com/Elevated

We de-privatized your privates.

@NYGovPress Actually we recommended sex and yahtzee. But driving to do sex and yahtzee is also fine.

BREAKING: TSA RECOMMENDS DRIVING

We are here to lead the populist rebellion. What's another unpaid gig, amirite?

I have a flight in two weeks. I’m leaving for the airport now… is that enough time?