Uptown Day Care

@FSOBrat @MattZeitlin boy I bet salesmen love having you as a client

@MattZeitlin Well he said the reason he fielded it (instead of jumping out of the way) was because he thought it was the ball He says he then realized it was part of the bat and decided to toss it towards the on-deck circle which also just happened to be where Piazza was running

Has any athlete as good as Zidane done some as crazy as the headbutt at as high a stakes moment as the World Cup final? Is zidane at the efficient frontier of great athlete high stakes craziness?

self harming by always having at least a little bit of hope

@BarstoolBigCat @VivaLaStool Impressed that pfts wife continues to put up with that haircut…

Vanny 2 rides

I've never found a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.

studying is so hard when you just genuinely dont fucking care

being a true sports fan is knowing when to turn off the game

nothing humbles you faster than hearing your own voice in a video

i fear that rule #1 of being a sports fan is being biased and hypocritical

Interviewer: Can you explain the gap in your CV? Me: I spent 6 hours formatting it in Google Docs and you opened it in Word.

good morning today i hugged a TSA agent because i misread a gesture he made to guide me through the body scanner

Dear Microsoft: I don’t know why you keep asking me if I want to stay signed in when you are not actually going to keep me signed in.

no college kids are learning right now... we are simply just submitting assignments

How many animals did humans have to try and ride before we found out horses were cool with it?

Previous scholars have argued that it is so over. In this paper, however, I posit that we are so back

@JByGodRod long time ago but roy campanella is a pretty famous one

My wife just asked me how come she has never seen a black catcher, and i honestly had no answer?

@neontaster the point is that Jesus grew up Jewish but fought back against the Pharisees (Jewish leaders) hence the GW reference

Washington was a British military officer lol

@ibamboozIe dawg he was bleeding he didnt "lay on the ice until the refs whistle it down"

Foligno trips up Duchene, gets him to fall on him, then lays on the ice until the refs whistle it down lol okay

FUN FACT: If you study the History of Ancient Egypt at university, the only job prospect you have is teaching others the History of Ancient Egypt. It's the original pyramid scheme.

Why everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time

one of my biggest faults is that when i ask someone their name I forget to listen to what their name is