Andy Smith

Let's call the #GOPShutdown the #EpsteinShutdown

@AMCHelps I am trying to add a Stubs reservation. The system says I already have a reservation for the same showing and won't book it. What do I do?

@VinceMancini @KrangTNelson rotisserie on wheels

(*rasping*) put them in my van

@KrangTNelson @MikeDrucker Those Republicans were concerned their actions in office might turn some constituents against them. When you’re running the Racist Party against the Sex Dungeon Satanlizard Party, you don’t have to share those concerns.

Watch my full speech here: m.youtube.com/watch?v=HWSl_B…

@realspitfire MAGAdumbfuckworld

I still can’t wrap my mind around these Democrats lying and fighting for illegal alien gang members over American citizens. What planet am I on?

@BillKristol @patrick1386 They want another pandemic. The first one was very good for them. A lot of people went out of business and a lot of property was acquired for peanuts.

It’s very bad that GOP senators rolled over for Bondi, Patel, and Hegseth. But it was maybe predictable given our tribal politics. It’s astonishing they went along with RFK Jr. Makes one realize kooky conspiracism is a feature, not a bug, of today’s GOP. thebulwark.com/p/dont-be-fool…

FYI it is rumoured @JesseBWatters had an affair with @MikeJohnson It’s making a buzz in DC circles. They are free to do as they please as consenting adults but it further points to the hypocrisy of the GOP and growing intimate intertwining with DC and Fox.

Shout out to Jeffrey Goldberg for reporting on this now instead of waiting two years to put it in a book.

@Acyn @TinaMarie88888 He fired them for poor performance so they wouldn’t be able to apply for unemployment

Kelly: I served in the United States Navy for 25 years. I spent 15 years at NASA, risking my life flying the space shuttle. And the only oath I can think of that maybe Elon Musk has sworn is an oath to his own checking account, to his pocketbook—an oath, maybe, to ruining the lives of veterans. I had veterans in my office last week who, after really good performance reports, found out that Elon Musk fired them for poor performance. He has ruined these people’s lives. They were serving our country again in very valuable roles, and they did not deserve to get fired by an email from an unelected billionaire

@KrangTNelson The Italian Fascists included the word “fascist” when they named their organization and the Nazi Party was not going to make the same mistake.

@MattZeitlin @chrislhayes The plan is to make America the enemy of every country in the world. 1930s Germany. Coming to a theater near you.

i feel like the animus towards canada is completely underexplained? they don't tariff us, they dont have transnational criminal organizations on our borders, they don't devalue their currency, what gives?

@Jason @USPS People who need USPS are rural seniors who have no other way to receive their medications. They voted for you so they deserve everything that’s coming to them. No Medicaid, no medications. Bye, Felicia.

1. Please explain which Americans need the @USPS in the era of email, Amazon delivery, UPS, Fedex, DHL, etc. 2. Please explain why it needs to be five or six days a week instead of once a week 3. any time you want to say "fuck you," come see me in person, you little bitch

@KrangTNelson He flattered her because he wanted to fuck her. It’s not complicated.

@pattonoswalt Alice is not the most famous child in Hollywood, but she is the most famous child in standup.

My daughter and her friends made a Remy cake and not gonna lie they captured exactly how I’m feeling right now.

Tryin' to imagine makin' a billion dollars scribblin' about baby wizards and whatnot, then sittin' in my castle, rage-tweetin' at trans people all day. Guuurl you won at life. It's cool to just sign out and take everyone your ass has ever known to Wingstop.

Effective immediately

@LauraLoomer Elizabeth Warren would dogwalk you

@tierneyfilms Mia Farrow

she looks so pretty but last night i was seriously losing me mind trying to figure out who she looks like with this haircut it’s driving me mad

@GovTimWalz Coooooooooach!

Remember to share holiday traditions like decorating the tree with your kids even if they’re out of town.