Jack

I hate when mattress commercials say, “Get the sleep you deserve!” I already get the sleep I deserve.

movies are starting to look like the movies that people watch in movies

Damn why are white people so upset today?

Does anyone want to give me a job I have so many skills

This list of the 100 best novels is certainly controversial.

@joyci_schecter Girl I’m on the plane

Imagine placing a tack shooter right here

Es muy preocupante que los orangutanes de borneo comiencen a usar herramientas para cazar. Como biólogos, tenemos la obligación moral de impedirlo, ya que hay un alto riesgo de que estos orangutanes continúen su evolución hasta el día en que se levanten a las 5 de la mañana para ir a trabajar a un lugar todo feo y explotado.

@aaaronson Similarly “deipnosophist” has the most pairs of consecutive letters (DE, NO, OP, HI, ST)

Word with the longest alphabetic substring starting with each letter

Right

One good thing about being inside is you can’t lose your keys

Everyone is an idiot accept me

JACOB COLLIER: and violins, could I get a pizzicato d, then up to g, yeah that's nice. flutes keep those quavers going. And piano, could I have a trill on your lowest b flat Me: (closing piano lid) no sorry Jacob JC: a trill on the b flat please piano Me: no Jacob I won't do it

Fancy restaurant always got so many heads working there they think they Apple

Ever notice how people who claim to “enjoy” puzzles never put anything else back together?

If I was the first man on the moon I know I would have biffed the quote. Something like eeeasy moon. Lemme step on ya

Since I have accepted the fact that I will never meet The Ronettes, I decided to use my creative freedom to generate a photo of us together. It brought me to tears. Love you, girls.