Herschel Pennymacker

I don’t need a “bidet.” I have a “waterpik” and “pretty good aim.”

“Hamnet” director reveals her next project: “Macfeth.”

[T. Jefferson and J. Adams reading draft of D. of Independence] J: You can't say "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." The John Locke estate will be up our ass for copyright infringement. T: What are they gonna do…declare war? [raucous, prolonged laughter from both] J: [wipes eyes] You got a point there, Tommy.

@AnneHatfieldVO @schumoo J. Hancock (from the front row): “Spell it happinefs. Those Lockebros will never figure it out.”

@TheScottMillen You’re fine. “Cone” is a verb in the autocross world.

@pennymacker *comes That typo is going to eat me alive, if I let it.

Here we go: I was just momentarily moved to tears by the Pickleback Cheetos ad because the ridiculous black Peterbilt driving/crashing scene reminded me that the longest romantic triangle of my lifetime is over. Me, the road, & the diesel dragons I rode thereupon. Alas!

@TheScottMillen That sounds like great progress, and I hope it’s as thrilling as getting your license as a teen. Sucks we don’t get to choose our lives, but we get a finite number of seconds on the planet, regardless, so it’s best to appreciate as many of them as possible.

@pennymacker Still grinding away at it all. Truthfully, my complaints are few. I'll soon be able to legally drive myself around in my own vehicle, which is a far cry from driving professionally. Change is the essence of life, and it cones on its own schedule, I have learned.

My body is one of those temples that's been invaded by thousands of monkeys

"Shit!" - Clark Kent the day they got rid of phone booths

DQ’s new NyQuil Blizzard

They're showing the rarely seen 1971 episode of Adam-12 where Reed and Malloy accidentally beat a hippie to death

Miniature golf caddy thinking maybe a putter for this one.

I thought I'd be bored by the witch's lecture on transforming people into animals but it turned out to be absolutely ribbiting.

Your throat must've been raw if you hacked up a whole computer.

Spring forward, fall into the Gap.

Little known fact: Peter Parker also gained the proportional clarinet skills of a spider.

🎵 When I was younger, so much younger that today. I never needed anybody's early-bird buffet. 🎶

Palm Sunday mass is like Bat Day at the ballpark. You get something cool that you can hit your brother with.

my baseball walk-up song is Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” and I start from outside the stadium so you have to hear the whole thing every time