one thing i never understood about americans is when someone invites you out for dinner they expect you to pay your part if i invite someone out i pay for them. they pay next time, it's silently understood had a "friend" invite me to his graduation party. next morning he venmo'd me asking for $50. we never spoke after that

@IterIntellectus Definitely not a typical American thing, I suspect this is more of a poverty-mindset lame Gen Z thing. Gen X would never.

@IterIntellectus this is not remotely normal in American culture. I don't know where it came from but I assume immigrants

i think is just cultural difference. my whole life this is what my generation did. buy your own food or split the check evenly. I tried switching to Canada way with a friend at one point and we both started forgetting who paid last time and switched back. Also, probably 50% of people i get dinner with i only see like once a year, which would make this forgetting problem much worse or result in someone effectively gifting an expensive meal.

Inviting someone out to dinner and mutually agreeing to go out to dinner are different. If the conversation is “what should we do tonight?” or “let’s get dinner sometime” or “what are you in the mood for?” then you’re splitting. If the messaging is more specific like “would you like to come to X restaurant on Y day?” you’re being covered. (The graduate should not have Venmo’d you.)

@IterIntellectus That is not normal! When I take others out I expect to pay and when others invite me out, I expect them to pay

It depends on how the invite is worded. “Let’s meet up for dinner” - you pay your share “Let me take you out for dinner” - I’m paying “We’re all going to dinner. Join us.” - You’re paying “My treat” / “On me” - I’m paying The situation you describe, inviting you to a party, normally you don’t pay. The host pays.

@IterIntellectus Across much of the South and in many lower priced restaurants, it’s common for every diner to get their own separate check

im a zillennial who grew up lower middle class in mississippi and texas and its normal for my friend groups to buy our own food when we invite eachother out to eat unless the person inviting specifies ("on me" "my treat" "i gotchu" or as a surprise where they pay at the end) an EXPECTATION to foot the entire bill is insane to me and noone could afford to eat out if it were expected, if you foot the bill, you do it as an unexpected gesture of kindness or if you know they cant afford it

@IterIntellectus Probably depends on factors like income differential, subculture, purpose... If I'm asking someone on a date or business meeting, I pay. If I'm casually getting coffee with a friend, we cover ourselves. If I'm having dinner with my parents, they (usually) pay.

@IterIntellectus I don't think most Americans expect you to pay. If I invite someone out, I'm paying. Might be different if someone proposes "let's meet".

@IterIntellectus I think that’s not American thing but piece-of-shit-person kinda thing.

Yeah you had a poor friend and now you don’t. Unrelated to the topic. But usually men don’t ask another man out to dinner, and then pay for that man, since typically that is a male female arrangement altogether. However in general amongst non poors in America usually one person pays out of convenience not related to the organizer.

One thing I will never understand about European birthdays is how none of your friends buy you a drink or a dinner or dessert it’s soo sad to watch. Like if you throw a party ok you pay for the party but a small group dinner (4 or 5 ppl) in America yeah the guests pay duhh it’s your bday present? Plus if you have a poor friend then you don’t want to order anything expensive or extra, it makes no sense

@IterIntellectus We pay for them in business. I pay for people. Friends often each pays for themselves tho yeah

@IterIntellectus In Greece we get into a fight over who pays. It's so silly.

@IterIntellectus In my experience everyone is competing to be the one to pay.

@IterIntellectus We use the phrase “my treat” to indicate we are going to pay for you (with women on a date this is usually implied).

@IterIntellectus Not an American thing, just a low class thing. I would never invite someone to dinner and not expect to pay the bill.

@IterIntellectus "We're getting drinks after my graduation" = separate tabs "come to my party" = host foots bill (but you should probably bring some sort of graduation gift) It's fucked up to ask for money for a party.

@IterIntellectus Wait, these are apples and oranges… him inviting you to his own graduation party and then charging you after the fact is insane! 😲 the audacity.

@IterIntellectus Exceptions don’t make the rule. I’m American and this has never happened to me, but if it did and my “friend” Venmo’d me asking for money I would ditch them as a friend too.

@IterIntellectus I think it depends on the social obligation involved. If one party has imposed upon the other that they should(must) attend, the first party should(must) pay. E.g. if I ask a friend if he wanna go out and eat, we each pay. If I insist, I pay. Exceptions must be stated beforehand.

An invitation is a "Would you like to join me?", which does not automatically mean someone will cover your expanses. That would be an extra kind gesture as a gift. I think this is heavily debated in many cultures, specially around the dating scene, not just america Many, particularly entitled women, think the man should pay as an unspoken requirement, reinforcing gender roles and soft prostitution culture

@IterIntellectus “If i invite someone out i pay for them. they pay next time, it's silently understood” is lower stakes blue button mentality except the cutoff is 100% instead of 50%. You are introducing risk and conflict where none needs to exist.

@IterIntellectus Invite in which context? In Russia: "Hey guys lets get together for once and sit at this restaurant" is when everybody pays for their food. "I am having a party that is related to me (birthday, wedding, etc)" is when I pay for everyone but the food is usually pre-ordered

@IterIntellectus I live in Nz and it’s pretty standard to pay for yourself if a friend says “hey want to come out to dinner” they aren’t saying “hey I’ll buy you dinner” but ok

@IterIntellectus What’s telling here (setting aside this specific issue) is that every relationship sits atop various fault lines. Meaning, silent differences in values, preferences etc. And if either person moves an inch to the left or the right, the relationship falls into the crevice and dies.

@IterIntellectus If a group of friends ‘meet for dinner’ individuels pay for their own meal, if you are called and invited to dinner, the caller is acting as host and should pay for your meal.

@IterIntellectus I grew up lower-middle class American and will say that most people could never afford to go out to eat if they had to foot the bill for everyone else. Even my friends who grew up upper middle class have always acted this way unless they personally had a lot more money than us.

@IterIntellectus Always a good idea to communicate first. Going "Dutch" is an American tradition. Always ask, never assume. Now, because you didn't ask first, you aren't communicating at all. How do you consider that to be friendly?

@IterIntellectus It’s only some people. Wrong crowd. My friends and I don’t necessarily do it by whoever invites, but we just kind of take turns and figure it works out fine over time. We don’t spend a lot of energy or time thinking about it tbh

@IterIntellectus Yea no I always pay when I invite people out. Some people justify it by saying that its a large group and nobody would be expected to cover that many but that many people just made time in their schedules to celebrate your day with you. Keep it small if you cant.

@IterIntellectus Had a "buddy" invite a group of us over for pizza. He then told us it was $3/slice. Last time I hung out with him that's for sure.