InsertWittyNameHere

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@SebRobespierre @TexanMeg Oh my God stop, there was no sneering you baby

@TexanMeg Toothy foreigners sneering at workers they deign to be below them in the class hierarchy is as big a social faux pas in Australia as the “n word” is in America.

Terminal 2 at Perth Airport is a fascinating study in culture. Orange & yellow mingle until the voice in the speaker calls them into line. They separate, and head off to their jobs in places I’ve never heard of.

@evanwch @rkeuler Yeah no, I'm a planner. Found out as soon as I could and happy I did.

@rkeuler Surprises are the spice of life!

@gayguycandleco Same, saw them for decades before someone clued me in Thought they were a little cute gift to bring your girlfriend from the gas station like the Beauty and the Beast rose 🤣

I just learned the truth about these. I have never felt more innocent in my entire life.

@NotJosh @nw3 @spqr_sulla Exactly what I just muttered to myself 😆 fuck that indeed

@nw3 @spqr_sulla I had no idea. Fuck that.

Will never not be unsettling that after a certain depth you no longer float up but begin sinking.

@AniseNot You'll still be accused of not telling anyone at least two times a month!

@NotSoFoolish @JessicaTarlov Australian's hatred of Trump had nothing to do with Democrats. It had to do with tarriffs and AUKUS, i.e. the things that directly effect the country.

@JessicaTarlov Yes, the Democrats did a fantastic job with the outrageous smear campaigns. After years of declaring him to be Hitler, we find his brand has been damaged. Go figure.

No longer just toxic in the United States—the Trump family brand is toxic globally.

@CuriousBunnie12 I'm sending you hugs! I'm 13 weeks and also having a boy. Hopefully we can share some fulfilling experiences when they finally pop Earthside! Tons of love to you ❤️

@F0raBetterWorld NIPT is usually very reliable and right now we don’t know why mine were possibly wrong. Once i know I will update :(

im a soulless evil mom yaaayyyyy

@kyylien Your service should be 50% off when they reschedule

interesting

@mahaaaay @gaysexturtles DUI is also only .04 in Australia so it captures way more people

@gaysexturtles oh the aussies are freaks

this is so funny because i have met numerous americans that have said they want to come to canada but can’t because they have a DUI why do so many of you have DUIs

@BWSPeaches @skyler_higley I miss him every roast. Best one to do it hands down.

@skyler_higley It hasn't been the same since Greg Giraldo died

So funny how roasts have become comedians who genuinely hate each other calling each other out for their moral and ideological failures. Didn’t used to feel that serious.

@Chesedgirl She WHAT

I have a friend who had corpse fat injected in her boobs which looks amazing but is very expensive (also might be haunted but that is a plus for some people)

Producing breast milk has been the most amazing thing to ever happen to my boobs from an aesthetic perspective

@ojolor @DebraCcrypto @Variety 🤣🤣🤣

@DebraCcrypto @Variety Why did she leave? Why can't y'all just stay? When they start getting old, you leave. Not a fair bargain on men.

Jane Fonda pays tribute to her former husband, Ted Turner: “He swept into my life, a gloriously handsome, deeply romantic, swashbuckling pirate and I’ve never been the same,” Fonda wrote on Instagram. “He needed me. No one had ever let me know they needed me, and this wasn’t your average human being that needed me, this was the creator of CNN, and Turner Classic Movies, who had won the America’s Cup as the world’s greatest sailor. He had a big life, a brilliant mind and a soaring sense of humor." “He could also take care of me. That was new as well. To be needed and cared for simultaneously is transformative. Ted Turner helped me believe in myself. He gave me confidence. I think I did the same for him, but that’s what women are raised to do. Men like Ted aren’t supposed to express need and vulnerability. That was Ted’s greatest strength, I believe." variety.com/2026/tv/news/r…

@sarahmccammon @WomenAreFedUp Why not start by making him go source the information himself as opposed to cleaning up his mess for him?

@WomenAreFedUp If you’ve raised boys, I’m all ears for your tips!

There’s an important test tomorrow at my son’s school and my moms thread today is basically just all of the boy moms mining all of the girl moms for any information about what’s actually going on and what time we need to be where - because none of the boys actually know!! 😅

@The_Smacks @ScamNetwon @FoxNews Ahhh, trying to use 86 to give it legitimacy a something it doesn't mean. Classic dork

@ScamNetwon @FoxNews Ah yes….. walking around a building you were let inside of is as bad as attempting to 86 the President. Clown. Sit the fuck down.

NEW: Judge apologizes in court to WHCA Dinner shooting suspect Cole Allen. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui said that he was “fascinated and disturbed” by Allen's treatment in jail. Allen was placed on suicide watch when he was first imprisoned. Prosecutors argued that since Allen told investigators he did not expect to survive the alleged attack, he could be a danger to himself. But an incredulous Faruqui wasn't convinced by that argument, drawing comparisons between Allen and defendants arrested for rioting at the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. “To me, it’s extremely disturbing that he was put in five-point restraints, a person with no criminal history. It’s troubling. I never heard of one Jan. 6 defendant who was put in five-point restraints or in a safe cell. If the only way to keep him safe is the most punitive thing, that’s a problem.” “At a minimum, I should be apologizing to him. We are obligated to make sure he’s taken care of. Mr. Allen, I’m sorry that things have not been the way they are supposed to.”

@AskJunieJr @astr0Butter @_littlelexii

@astr0Butter @_littlelexii Sue? She needs to beat her ass

If you saw the last post, you know. Shawty sold my dog, if you were sold this dog please give her back.

@rubencavazos @gullah_gal25 @Vince_Aries I was going to roll the dice and report it stolen the second it reverted back 🤣

@gullah_gal25 @Vince_Aries Oh thank God. I was honestly stressing about this. I was thinking of reporting it stolen and getting it now before it expires only because I was dreading seeing his stupid face on there

My Passport expire in August. Please tell me I ain’t gotta get the one with that clown in office face on it 😩😩😩.

@cybelethebest That is the worst part about Trump for me, he is objectively hilarious about things that are not funny

Wish libs would admit that Trump is funny and Melania is pretty.

@BlakeSNeff I have the same name as a prevalent 90s TV star and the amount of times it got me an interview because they wanted to ask me if I was named that on purpose (I wasn't) was unreal...

When I applied for my first job at a supermarket the summer after HS, my parents made me fill out the application on a typewriter, insisting that "everyone" did this. But in an awesome feat of Boomer genius this completely worked; this was during peak 2009 crash and hiring was tight, and the manager expressly said they brought me in because I was "the typewriter guy."

@damintoell The amount of horny old dudes engaging is unreal 🤣🤣🤣

215.9K followers. You just know that some dude in Pakistan is raking in the horny MAGA boomer bucks.