Evil Wookie

@PaulbernalUK @IAmMardikins It might just be a photo taken in May twitter.com/Otto_English/s…

I put Matt Hancock in the starring role in the British remake of Joker, and now it all makes sense. @Aiannucci @GaryLineker @edgarwright

@welcomet0nature They are total arseholes

The U.S. shouldn’t bail out billionaires and hedge funds during the coronavirus pandemic, Social Capital CEO Chamath Palihapitiya says. “Who cares? Let them get wiped out.” cnb.cx/2Rpmjkh

@markmanson Nothing, he wouldn't fucking listen

If you could go back and talk to your 18 year old self, what would you tell him/her?

@isitreallymoira @BrownPants10 Err A: Brexit B: they still drive, 1 of my elderly relations drove in to a garage door and blamed the door.

@BethRigby Well I just looked in the shed and I have a convertible roof pump, a zx6r air filter and some old vacuum cleaner hose let's make this happen. Or your party could of achieved something in the last 10 years. Dickhead

Hancock says UK has 5,000 ventilators but needs many more times that amount. Asks “anyone who can” to “turn their engineering minds and production lines to making them... We need to produce more”

Can @SkyNews explain this? Watch the folder! Mind blown! #coronavirusuk #Budget2020

@BaldPoints Tinder: looking for female canoeist aged 18-24 no kids

@coglet @BrexitGuard @bbclaurak We could let restore capital punishment and then prosecute her for that treason in Israel

@BrexitGuard @bbclaurak I just hope she goes before she tries to reinstate capital punishment. She belongs in Saudi Arabia with that mentality to law and order, or worse still, Florida. #brexitisbroken

V strong defence of Patel by PM when Corbyn asks for an independent inquiry into her behaviour - Home Sec sitting right next to him - he says she is doing an ‘outstanding job’

@prophethusband Looks like racoons will inherit the earth then.

The only survivors of the corona virus pandemic will be the two groups in society who never go outside: Gamers and depressed women . Together they will have to repopulate the earth.

@johninsc1 Thank you Kevin Spacey, any chance of a usual suspects 2?

@KtcClarence This is why you teach your children about pensions and savings accounts

What the fuck is this?

@Otto_English But if all 50000 really really like fish it could work out ok?

Britain needs 50,000 new Customs officers hired and trained by... er December. FIFTY THOUSAND. That's four times more people than work as fishermen.

Correct answer is because bastard @Deano60471958 lives there

@legaladvice_txt He should be asking Chairman Moa rather than the internet for advice regarding that landlord

Dog people always act like dogs are so much better than cats but as a cat person just wanna say that you never see cats working with the cops

@deplorable_me87 @Dialoguealways @thinkingitthru1 @SpattyAl @kk2flygirl @spongeworthy2 @MarsChocolatBar @tsmcdiez @StefanMolyneux Ok well done, now give the native Americans their land back.

I'm so relieved that when Castro's soldiers ripped my 3yo aunt's earrings out of her ears so 2 flaps remained & when my gma risked her life to hide US quarters btwn her knees while men with machine guns searched their home it was all to fund a literacy program.