Pastychomper

@cxovelurisi I'm guessing "Magnum" means something different in Leftpondia.

Shoutout to the group of teenage boys who bought a box of Magnums from me at a pharmacy in 1999 At the conclusion I said, "Have fun!" and they all turned red and stopped giggling On their way out: "Did he say "HAVE FUN?!?"" "Dude he thinks we're fags" "Oh. My. God." "💀"

@archer_rs Not a coffee drinker, but I used to work at a big site in England when their main café switched from Costa to Starbucks. Within weeks, my lab obtained its own coffee machine and the manager who made the switch was off sick with stress.

Number one comment from Europeans returning from the USA, "They can't make coffee"

@noah_mwamfupe @SteveLovesAmmo That wouldbe awesome if He lets you get away with it.

@SteveLovesAmmo Jerusalem, AD 33. To witness the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ with my own eyes. ✝️

If you were able to time travel and immerse yourself in a different time/country, what would it be?

@sideb00b5 @SteveLovesAmmo It's a physics joke, so basically applied maths. You're good.

@SteveLovesAmmo You are -273 Celsius. An absolute zero. 😂. Crap, that’s a science joke. How about the TRANSitive property?

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will understand this.

@Suzanne08053 @PatsKam Not since the Poirot episode with the hydrochloric acid.

@PatsKam I've slept with a fresh glass of water on my nighttable every night of my life, since I was old enough to drink from a glass. Doesn't everyone?

Someone said that the leading cause of dehydration in toddlers & young children ages 3-8 years old is bed time At first I was confused and now I can't stop laughing 😭😂

@i0ape @BotengaM Did it ever make sense?

@BotengaM the structure of the eu is like a monarch, it doesnt make sense anymore

#ChatControl masterclass in undermining democratic legitimacy. EU Parliament rejected mass-scanning of citizens' messages. Its president's answer? Use an exceptional procedure & force a new vote under rules that make rejection much harder than approval. politico.eu/article/robert…

@mariana057 Totally true. If you post more like this I'll do my best to ignore them.

Parenting is buying 6 yogurts and watching them all get eaten In one day. Then buying 12 yogurts and watching them expire because, “Nobody likes yogurt.”

@FiredUpCoug Used to have one that would hide in the space under a reclining chair. Even managed to fit in when the chair was down. Others found themselves a hammock under a couch where there was an extra sheet of cloth.

My 16yo son just called in a panic. He has been at home while the rest of the family is visiting family in Washington. He can't find one of our 3 cats. He hasn't left the door open, but he realized this morning that he hasn't seen her for a couple of days. Where do your cats like to hide? Trying to give him a list of places to search. I'm sure she's at the house, she never goes outside, and he hasn't left any doors open. She's very lazy and likes to find cozy spots to nap.

@JocastaMoney I turned off grammar suggestions because it managed to interfere with typing on a Bluetooth keyboard. Not sure if it was vibe-coded or just annoyed at being bypassed.

About 6 months ago, annoyed by the continued degredation in my phones spell check I turned off the spelling and grammar. At first it was incredibly difficult to remember basic spelling but over time it has all come back to me. It was also a "fuck you" to the AI behemouth that seeks to privatise and then sell back all human knowledge on a subscription basis. While I refuse to let AI write my prose this feels like a step that I can take as a person well versed in the written word. But also, as someone who struggled to learn to read and write as a child, why lose something I worked so hard to achieve? I would suggest you all do the same. You have learned this skill but like all muscles if you don't use it, it atrophies. Take back control.

@realMarkKJacobs @deaflibertarian When Sony removed the 'other OS' feature from the PS3, they argued in court that their earlier promise not to remove it was just "corporate puffery." And they got away with it.

@deaflibertarian This is a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. Unless they refund for all removed content (which you know they won't).

@ok6ixx Looks like he learned those words from books instead of people. Maybe he was a smart kid with better vocabulistics than his peers.

My boyfriend has been pronouncing "epitome" as "epi-tome" his entire life. He's 28. He's a LAWYER. I only found out because he used it in conversation with my parents and my dad's eye started twitching. I corrected him gently later. He didn't believe me. Googled it. Went silent for like 10 minutes. Then he started going through his memories out loud. "Oh god, I said it at the deposition. I said it in COURT. I said it to the senior partner." He's now convinced everyone thinks he's an idiot. He's been looking up other words to see if he's been saying them wrong. Turns out he's also been saying "chaos" as "chay-ose." I'm discovering I'm dating a functional illiterate. He went to Yale.

@LinkofSunshine To you it's computer terrorism. To Microsoft, it's Monday.

Microsoft just: > Backed up an important file on OneDrive, without asking, with a size over my capacity > Refused to let me use Excel without deleting excess OneDrive capcity > Deleted that important file from my PC when I removed it from OneDrive This is computer terrorism

@rougarou1776 @Grownded It was common knowledge in my MTC group. Someone asked temple president how the names were selected for each day, and he politely declined to give details. The MTC president explained, "In other words, it's none of your dang business!"

@Grownded Did other people not know this?

@SwordOfLabanX 2 hours 15 minutes, because it's now Monday and I could start from w*rk. Otherwise it'd be maybe 8 hours.

If you were to walk to church today how long would it take?

@Poppy_yyyyyyyy @CerulaVinula My first horse ignored or avoided it unless I was busy pulling it out - then he decided that any plant I was paying attention to must be worth a taste. 🤦‍♂️

@CerulaVinula My ponies are not clever enough. They kept trying to eat it from the wheelbarrow while I was collecting it.

Oh, good. I’ve got 8.5 acres of fields absolutely full of ragwort. And I have to pull it by hand. If anyone wants to poison their husband, let me know. I’ll have wheelbarrows full of poison by the end of the day.

@DisavowedVet @chicfryrice Whose 'phone was at the landfill to detect the airtag?

@chicfryrice A guy in San Fran used an airtag to track his recyclables They ended up in the same landfill with all the other trash

I would hide recycled items in normal trash. Felt shame. A few family members caught me. “You’re supposed to recycle that” they’d say. Then the article titled “Fraud of plastic recycling” came out What a rush. I sent it to everyone. Gloating. Suckers separating items into multiple bins. “Plastic is made from oil and gas, and comes in thousands of varieties, most of which cannot be recycled together. But in the 1980s, when some municipalities moved to ban plastic products, the industry began promoting the idea of recycling as a solution.”

@HenpeckedHal Fits. x.com/i/status/18690…

Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad.

@vesperdigital @GadSaad Reminds me of this.

The Great Scam After what @GadSaad posted yesterday, something I had no idea existed... an "Exit Tax" I did some digging. This is what I found. Canada's departure tax is one of the biggest scam taxes on the books. Apparently when you leave the country, the government treats you as if you sold every investment you own, even if you sold nothing. You get hit with a tax bill on money you never touched, never withdrew, never spent. They literally invented a fake sale to justify taking your money. Here's what makes it even worse. The stocks they're taxing? Those are foreign companies. Apple, Samsung, whatever you hold, those grew because of what those businesses did in their own countries, their own markets, with their own workers. Canada had absolutely nothing to do with it. Zero. But they still want a cut just because you happened to live here while you owned them. They did nothing and still want to be paid like they did. And before 1996 this didn't even exist the way it does now. Chrétien's government expanded it that year and buried it in section 128.1(4)(b) of the Income Tax Act like they hoped nobody would notice. Italy doesn't do this. Portugal doesn't. Belgium, Switzerland, the UK, none of them pull this shit. You paid income tax every year. You paid sales tax. Property tax. You held up your end of the deal the whole damn time. And when you decide to go live somewhere else, they hit you with a bill for money that was never real to begin with. Canada under any Liberal is a Scam!

@spint @thecoastguy Here's a simple one... x.com/i/status/20667…

@thecoastguy My first thought when I read about it: what loopholes will be built in so they, and their own children, will be able to bypass the surveillance mechanisms.

The panic-stricken efforts by the state to force digital ID on the proles while simultaneously securing anonymity and cover for themselves and their own is a wonder to behold.

@CrowdControl2k8 @robprogressive Yes you can, just let the meter look up your number plate before you pay.

@robprogressive Some London Boroughs charge different parking rates based on the co2 of car you drive. Can't do that with coins.

Physical coin slots on parking meters are being systematically blocked off or ripped out across the UK Instead, you are forced to download half a dozen buggy smartphone apps just to leave your car If your battery dies or mobile signal drops, you are slapped with a brutal private fine Many of these apps even charge a mandatory extra fee just to process the transaction What is going on?