Tim Brandenstein

Elon Musk: “I shot the tariff but I did not shoot the subsidy.”

This chess piece would make the game more annoying, no doubt lol

Marco Rubio finding out he now has to run Spirit Airlines

First weekend spent with the kids where my daughter didn't ask me to play pretend with her. She's 13. We had a good run...

Two Sir Mix-a-Lots stand before you; one can lie and the other only tells the truth. Only one of them likes butts. You can only ask them one question to determine which one likes butts. What question do you ask

@leafsnlifts Time is an illusion. I'm going with that.

Since when did the NHL start the next round before the previous round was done with all match ups??? Am I losing it

If America is so racist, then how come a wealthy white man has been lavishing me with gifts ever since his company started having cases before the Supreme Court, on which I sit? by Clarence Thomas

@ChelsElaina @ScooterMagruder To watch the Pistons come back from 24 in the 3rd?

@ScooterMagruder They’re awesome

Why do I watch sports?

Matched with a 8/10 baddie on Hinge but no vaginal microbiome report on her account How do I bring it up without sounding accusatory?

@mahaaaay Sounds terrible 😔

becoming a morning smoothie person instead of a morning coffee person. my poor wallet

@amyelrad In 2026? I'd love to see the evolution of "racism"...

This might be one of the most insane hinge interactions I’ve ever had. Enjoy your diversity has me screaming.

@ChelsElaina I stopped watching to play outside ping pong with my son (down by 20). When we came back in they were tied. I just want to thank myself for this glorious comeback.

Well either I pour a glass of wine or go to bed

I hate it here

@itsbighonkin I've tried shaking all kinds of things and it never works. It's definitely a skill.

Obvious bait aside I think if you’re gonna say there’s no skill in shaking ass then you have to post a video of you doing it to show the class how easy it is

@noyeahobviously I'm sure he would! The "not elusive" p-zone...

So there definitely is one but idk if you’re gonna like it

@Missteak @tacobell And you are just giving this away for free?!

Hey @tacobell you know how McDonalds has The Hamburglar? I introduce you to The Chalupacabra

You are being lied to. Today I present to you the only inflation index that matters. The Taco Bell chicken quesadilla inflation index. 2001 Chicken quesadilla: $1.89 2026 Chicken quesadilla: $6.19 This is a total inflation of ~327% or an annualized amount of just over 6%/уг. Don't let the lizard people in the government trick you into thinking inflation is 2-3% per year...plan accordingly.

@RpsAgainstTrump When you aspire to be North Korean.

Acting AG Todd Blanche: I love working for President Trump. It's the greatest honor of a lifetime. And if President Trump chooses to nominate somebody else, I'll say, “Thank you very much, I love you, sir.” This is some weird shit