Phil Beck

#bbcfootball 10 days ago, Palace lost 5-0 to Newcastle. 3 days later, Aston Villa beat Newcastle 4-1. Today, Palace beat Aston Villa 3-0. Funny old game, football.

@WheelieFUMS @MrTibblesNewEra @Nigel_Farage He isn't thick, but he is a grifter who preys on the thick. That's what makes him dangerous.

@MrTibblesNewEra @Nigel_Farage He's fucking thick, isn't he?

Two things. 1. You couldn't point to it on a map. 2. You're going to Parliament??? @Nigel_Farage

@PELee1953 @jonhopswan Is that because he's looked 68 for almost 50 years?

@jonhopswan My brother, at 20, had less hair than Terry has in the photo. Now, at 68, people tell me brother that he never looks any older. Swings and roundabouts.

This is ex Birmingham, Forest & Wales defender Terry Hennessey. He was 29 years old in this photograph.

@anon_opin Wicker Man wants a word. As does Thirteen. And Rita.

Alton Towers put itself on the map as a world-class, innovative theme park in the 1980s and 1990s with Corkscrew, Nemesis, Oblivion & Air. In the last TWENTY years, they've built ONE world-class, innovative ride worthy of a world-class park: Smiler. Not good enough.

@jestermaxxing I missed the 1st September 2014 in its entirety. I left LA on 31st August and landed in Fiji on 2nd September. Still never got that day back. I will, one day.

Just booked a 15 minute flight to da best city in da world

@josboCDF17 @sonicboom49 @ediz1975 Emissions 😂

@sonicboom49 @ediz1975 Taxed for what exactly?

So another cyclist inches away from taking out a child crossing the road … However it’s deemed ok … The pure entitlement continues… x.com/sergios7538902…

@jimjetsetter @fesshole I read it as "24 out of 25" and "4 out of 5"... does this guy think he's almost completed Lego?

@fesshole Is it 24 or 25? Is it 4 or 5? Neither of these numbers are large enough to have to estimate. Or maybe it's 0.96 large sets and 0.8 smaller?

My new hobby is Lego, i have about 24/25 larger sets on display, and 4/5 in the to build pile. Wife doesnt know that I have about 20 big sets stashed away in the storage locker. I bring them home every 2.5 months having 'found a bargain'.

@obsomo @anon_opin When did this come in?

@anon_opin These days, if you make a secret base in a wooded spot to meet up with your mates, you'll be arrested and thrown in jail.

Today's generation will never understand that one abandoned or wooded quiet spot, that everyone 30 or over had as kids to meet up with their mates. We all had at least 1, I walk through my old stomping ground now and it's empty. No one makes secret bases anymore, it's all online.

@RobGuerra90 @Casey_Evans_ Nothing to do with VAR - they don't check yellow cards.

@Casey_Evans_ Seems like your teammate needs a lesson in memory retention or maybe just a better understanding of cause and effect. Did they think VAR wouldn't notice twice?

Personally if one of my teammates had been sent off for kicking the ball away in a very high profile incident, I wouldn’t then do it again in a much more obvious way

@cloud_totally @fesshole Remember to open the tin and heat the contents first though

@fesshole Try a tin of spaghetti hoops, it will blow your mind

I spent years dismissing pasta and couldn't understand why so many people seemed to enjoy it, because I found it so bland and tasteless. Then I learned that you're supposed to add sauces to it.

@fesshole Been on the green with envy for 40 years.

After forty years of ritual humiliation, I finally beat my little brother at golf. For sure, he has now got advancing Parkinson's disease, but the victory was just as sweet.

@_FlipMan @ramit What do you mean? I eat out every day and in 25 years all of my food will be free. Is that not how this works?

@ramit I mean a home is not a consumable, but carry on.

Every dollar I spend on groceries, I save money on eating out: uncontroversial Every dollar I spend on making my own coffee, I save money on buying coffee at a coffee shop: uncontroversial Every dollar I spend on rent, I save money on homeownership: people lose their minds

@alexbloor @AndrewWilshire @fesshole

@AndrewWilshire @fesshole And “the knowledge”

I'm a cabbie and once took 2 sisters to hospital to see their dying mum. I took a longer route to boost my earnings. I found out a week later that their mum had died 5 minutes before they arrived at the hospital. Had I taken the normal route they would have chance to say goodbye.

@SlugWet @fesshole

@fesshole I was part of a photo shoot for the college that I worked at (Don't get too excited, I was a library assistant, and photoed of me issuing a book) for a glossy prospectus. So excited to get it hot of the press, only to realise all you could see of my was my right hand

I work as a bus driver, one of a team working in the testing and commissioning of a new fleet of electric buses and a brand new depot. I spent ages perfectly parking a dozen buses in the depot for a media event and am genuinely disappointed I didn't get any public credit for it.

@_hxrrybxtt If the DJ wants to finish on "Time of my Life" (very original...) you need to have strong words. (Got to disagree with not wanting Don't Stop Me Now though. Strong words needed with yourself for that one).

i need more suggestions please help twitter x

@drushe1983 @LBC @mrjamesob Dalendless shid.

It's rare that James O'Brien and Nigel Farage are in the same room. So when the Reform UK leader was leaving the LBC studios after his phone-in with Nick Ferrari, @mrjamesob delivered a one-of-a-kind handover.

@Heartforever39 @antisocial1830 @AndyMitten 8-1 v Forest, but neither of those are 7-0

@antisocial1830 @AndyMitten 9-0 v Ipswich 8-0 v forest

Manchester United 7 Barnsley 0. That's the first time MUFC won 7-0...since a game against Barnsley in 1997.

@themagic_tophat Really interesting to see the City fan narrative shift from "not guilty and there's no proof" to "so what if the rules were broken, it was for the good of football". Presumably a coping mechanism for the eventual punishment (which, FWIW, I don't think will include expulsion etc.)

They’re accused of using the limitless resources of a state to corrupt the sporting integrity of the Premier League, rendering it a rigged competition; by subverting the rules and committing fraud, whilst refusing to respect the authority of the PL to ensure the competition’s integrity. A.k.a breaking the rules and then carrying on as if they shouldn’t apply to them. That’s what they’re accused of. And that’s why, when they’re found liable, the club should be permanently expelled from the league until the owners sell the club.

@Michael1979 Ugh. Here we go again with the manuals. "Manual this, manual that". Don't you ever read anything like a normal person, like shampoo ingredients, medication leaflets, or the terms and conditions of internet prize draws?

There's nothing I love more than sitting in the sun and reading. Here are my standouts from summer 2024

@darrenjadams @MarkAntonyOwen @anon_opin I'd like to think it would've changed minds, but these are the people who believed £350m per week would be pumped back into the NHS because it said so on the side of a bus. Brexit was all about who can shout loudest, irrespective of fact or lie.

@MarkAntonyOwen @anon_opin What they should have done is said "okay Britain, you've told us you want this, now let's do a detailed study to see what this will look like". I'm fairly sure the outcome of that study would have changed the minds of many Leave voters.

If there's one UK politician that should stand trial for their crimes against our country it's David Cameron for the EU referendum. Ever since then it's been division, anger, hate and corruption, all triggered by something most people never really cared about in the first place.