Spaghetti Policy?

@LlewellenLowe @MetaAdamJohnson @dtbbythesea @oneunderscore__ @Acyn This has haunted me for weeks and hey congrats you're all coming to hell with me

@SupJess__ 🇺🇸 we’re #1! 🤦‍♂️

@KellyScaletta The Gentlemen trust me, go watch it. you’re welcome

Name a movie that doesn't get any less entertaining no matter how many times you watch it.

@JulesShawuk @PristineEdgexxx @ask_aubry this whole story hits way too close to home and this dude is an insufferable twat. he’s gotta go

@PristineEdgexxx @ask_aubry I picked that up too. What a phrase to use.

He said re-home like she's a pet. Poor Lilly.

@Msmariablack @ask_aubry i’m a bit disappointed she isn’t more proud of him for bursting outta the closet with Kramer-esque confidence 😊🌈

@ask_aubry You can't change that by "making him realize" anything. You can't 🤷🏻‍♀️

He doesn't get much out of it?

@vihimnga @LindenG @sheologian @ask_aubry it’s one of george’s lesser known quotes

@alt_DoooooM @LindenG @sheologian @ask_aubry 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry I laughed.

Christ on a bike the number of WTFs in this.

@LindenG @sheologian @ask_aubry the constitution guarantees life liberty and the freedom to decide how long you’re comfortable with an infant choking to death in your lap before you do something about it. - george washington

@sheologian @ask_aubry And then uses the phrase 'with the urgency my wife wanted' like how long a baby should choke for is just a matter of personal style. 😡

@ScrubaatiVidya @CrazyWeeMonkey @thesharpestsph1 @williamlegate tesla, or elon musk in general, making a product of that quality (without being a 1-off, $8 billion item) will happen the day i become both mayor of Canada, and the real life Batman

@CrazyWeeMonkey @thesharpestsph1 @williamlegate Where war torn fucking Syria? Shitty attempt at a marketing campaign and looks beyond fake as shit

what… what do you think bullets do to a normal car??

@squidmango @PrincessWB420 @RaychelTania @notcapnamerica oh you sick fuck lol my face is sweating

Do what now

@HepcatinExile @TimFVB @kenklippenstein hey why didn’t your tweet load my myspace welcome page song like it usually does

@TimFVB @kenklippenstein Yes, it's a screen shot

@aleximenez @TheHyyyype i had someone call the cops on me for ringing their doorbell at 9pm on xmas eve… with the box in my hands (that they obv ordered & knew needed a signature), the ups uniform, and ups truck in their driveway, you’d think it would’ve tipped them off, but hey ppl are fkn idiots🤷‍♂️

@TheHyyyype "there's the same man who always brings bags with food from the same place to the building, has anyone else seen them?"

a lady posted on nextdoor "does anyone recognize this man? i've seen him at least 4 times at the train station near my house." it turned out to be a guy who was commuting to work every day

@APOL7YON @thegoodjonathan @TheStig_16 @Aledro54 @archcityhistory @KingsofCardio @keithedwards allow me to cheer you up by gifting you a years worth of nightmares

@thegoodjonathan @TheStig_16 @Aledro54 @archcityhistory @KingsofCardio @keithedwards I am at my limit

When asked about X’s declining usage, Linda Yaccarino held up her phone, revealing X isn’t even on her home screen.

@suzan_vetr913 clearly everything we learned in health class was bullshit, bc if that technically-human garbage dump is still alive then nutritional value truly does mean nothing

@alt_DoooooM I wish someone would’ve slapped the shit out of him. Ugly, arrogant fucktard, that’s the essence of trump.

all of this… from the stunned look on all their faces, to the smile on his face like a toddler proud of himself for getting to the potty (mostly) in time and only shitting his pants a lil bit…. all of it, *chefs kiss* an instant classic 😂

@mundisocean @Chilakilchido @theeprinceb @SchrodingrsBrat @thomas_violence

impossible to convey how much as a non american it seems like sororities and fraternities were just made up for movies because they're too alien to be real and then people post these videos and it rocks your shit. what a unique, odd little enormous country

@Terrieristpups @courtney2fab @Acyn the dictionary was recently updated and the spelling of ‘christian’ was actually shortened to ‘radical theocratic domestic terrorist’ 🤷‍♂️

Daines: President Trump restored sanity to the Supreme Court

@TheKingKehoe @daggerandpen @markbrad @JordanUhl well that is all just terrible lol

@alt_DoooooM @daggerandpen @markbrad @JordanUhl Short for “traditional.” They long for (and try to recreate) what American life was supposedly like. So, for men, it includes being the sole provider for your family, preferably doing manual labors. For women, it boils down to having big boobs and being able to cook 24/7.

When you're a Republican:

@IraSelmon @sixover21 @RangerBanker73 @TroopsinContact i like fobbit lol that’s pretty damn funny

Purple Heart-Chasers were the worst part of the GWOT. A rock scratches your ear…a few trips to the medics shack & S1 office & voila, you can now lie to your friends & family.

@sixover21 @RangerBanker73 @TroopsinContact what does GWOT stand for? and what is a fob? fwd op base?

@alt_DoooooM @RangerBanker73 @TroopsinContact Someone who never leaves the fob. And what do you mean GWOT? What about it?

@Kimmylea4 @mistressofmeows @thomas_violence i can totally imagine the answer being ‘we don’t want the girls drunk and having guys over’, as if it doesn’t just mean they’ll get drunk with guys somewhere else instead, prob at the guys place, and that’s somehow…better? 🙄🤦‍♂️

@alt_DoooooM @mistressofmeows @thomas_violence Yeah, that sounds like some old fashioned "boarding house for young ladies" bullshit

@beccaartist @slutriarch if it’s the dad then that whole ‘i put up cameras to catch my 17yo daughter on film having sex’ takes on a whole new angle

@slutriarch Maybe we’ll never know !

Stop shaming teenagers for having safe sex. This is absolute shit parenting. Not sorry.

@DustJevil @anarchyisorder0 @JessIsNotOK1 @thomas_violence the girls w expensive manicures dressed like cowboy ranchers will all end up w guys driving a huge pickup that never had a single tool in the truck bed. an entire ecosystem of c*nts cosplaying as mid class underdogs who bootstrapped themselves w no help to where they are 🙄🖕